Over the
last few months, I’ve been busy with a range of ceremonies…..celebrations
involving the arrival of new life through to the end of life.
Each
ceremony is as unique as the person or the couple at the heart of it all……and
I’m just as precious about my next ceremony …….as I was when I did my first!.
But there’s
been a trend to some of the questions that families ask me – and I thought I’d
share the top 5 with you……..and my answers!
1 What made you go into this then?
Firstly, a
very dear friend told me some years ago, that she thought I’d be good at taking
civil funerals…..that I just had ‘a way’ about me that would suit it. I knew nothing about the role at the time and
because I was forging ahead with my Consultancy career, I parked it - but
never forgot her wisdom! She’s one of
those friends who rarely proffers her own opinion….but when she does, it’s
worth waiting for!
I then went
to a friend’s funeral and my heart sank at the kind of service they had. They deserved so much more. They had a life
that should have been celebrated and recognised. Instead they got a sombre passage into
another era. At that time, I just
thought I could have given more. But
more importantly, I left that service wanting to give more. The rest is history!
2 How do you not cry at funerals…..how
do you hold it together?
I always
thought I would cry. But I don’t. When I
first went into this role I asked the same question of my Mum…….”Mum……what
if I cry?” Her answer was short
and succinct……”Well if you do Carole…..then you’re in the wrong job!”
I want to
give the best possible service I can and that means 100% devotion to
delivery. I believe that’s what mourners want from someone who leads them
through one of the most difficult days of their life. They need someone who is empathetic,
yes. But they need someone to give them
direction and to lead them with strength and honest courage.
But that
doesn’t mean I don’t have empathy. I’ve shed subtle tears with many a bereaved
person. But it’s saved for the right time and place.
3 Are you busy?
That’s an
interesting question because I think it’s subjective. I’m as busy as I want to
be!
I know some Celebrants in other counties who are delivering over 10
funerals a week – for me that would just be way too many! A Celebrant’s week
involves funeral services during the week days and Baby Namings, Vow Renewals
or Weddings at week-ends – so you do have to get the balance.
I know I
would be ‘too busy’ when I sense the quality of my ceremonies is
suffering and I’m consciously aware of not allowing that to ever happen!
4 You can legally marry people or take civil partnerships then?
I cannot legally marry anyone! You do still need a Registrar to conduct the legal side of marriage
or a Civil Partnership. But a Celebrant can take the ceremonial aspect of the
marriage or partnership at any time and any place.
This means that
the couple choose to take their two witnesses to the Register Office and
conduct the minimum legal requirements to make them lawfully married or bound
in a partnership. That involves some short statements and the
signing of the register. They then save
the vows, exchange of rings, readings, music and much more, for their
personalised wedding or partnership. I’ve blogged on this before and the following
link explains this in more detail http://www.sinceremoments.blogspot.co.uk/2012_04_01_archive.html
5 You’re
a Humanist then?
No. A Humanist would not allow the inclusion of
any aspect of religion into their ceremonies.
Non-religious ceremonies means just that - the total exclusion of
rituals such as hymns or prayers.
A Civil
Celebrant will warmly and openly include spiritual or religious aspects in ceremonies,
if that’s what families choose.
My take on
this is simple. I don’t believe the world is so black and white for it to be
as simple as religious or not religious.
There has to be room for the grey – and Civil Celebrants openly
accommodate this.
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The other
question that raises its head from time to time is “What were you doing before
this?”
Now that’s
a whole new story. But take a peek at my Linkedin profile for a snapshot of
where I’ve been and what I’ve been up to over the years!
