'Celebrating a life' doesn't mean a 'happy clappy' event!

I was cut back in my tracks this week by a simple chat with a close friend. It was a discussion that on hindsight, I should have seen coming........But sometimes the most obvious things that stare us in the face - are also our blind spot!

We were talking about the funeral services that I design and conduct and how they 'Celebrate' the life of the person who has died. And the statement that threw me from my friend, went something like this......

"I don't think I quite get it...... Funerals for me are a sombre time...........they're sad..............Celebrating it just doesn't feel right....I don't know.....maybe it's just me....."

But I don't think it was just him. It made me think about the use of the word 'Celebration' in the context of taking a funeral service, and how that reaches into the very depths of our understandings and beliefs. Did he think that my services were all 'happy clappy',........even worse full of light entertainment that you'd expect from a Peter Kay or Russell Brand show?

So let's be clear. When I talk of the notion of 'Celebrating' someone's life at a funeral service, it's not about having an upbeat, full of laughter party. It's about:

• Putting the person who has died at the centre of attention - they take the spotlight for the service.
• Looking back on their life and the impact they have had in this world.
• Pulling out the legacy and footprints they leave behind and the affect on others.
• Focusing on those things people will miss most and helping to turn them into wonderful memories.

Now there might be subtle moments of smiling or laughter - we're all responsible for making people smile and laugh every day so why try and avoid it at a funeral? But yes funerals are sad. Yes they are emotional. Celebrating a life is not about fudging that - it's about saying that here today, in this room, this person takes centre stage. Let's give them the respect they deserve at their last show.

Celebrations done well can make a huge difference to people........But perhaps I just need to think a little more when I use the word 'celebrate' in my conversations!

Carole

Trembling at the thought of speaking at a wedding or funeral?

At the non-religious civil services or ceremonies I design and conduct, there's always the opportunity for someone to take a reading, share a poem, or simply say a few words.

Let's be honest - it's not everyones' cup of tea. Standing up there all alone with hundreds of eyes upon you - who'd put their hands up for that then? And yes, sometimes the emotion takes over and gets the better of us. But if you want to take part and can manage your own emotions for a few short minutes, then it's a wonderful experience to look back on and be proud of.

So if someone's asked you to speak at a funeral or wedding, then here's a few tips to help you out.

• Above all, be conscious of your breathing and take slow deep breaths. Your breathing will help with your pace, tone and voice projection.
• When you're preparing your script - keep the sentences short. Short sentences let you lift your eyes and make contact with your audience. Long sentences keep you disconnected from people for far too long. Not good for them and you might just miss that occasional smile!
• Prepare your script in large font - say size 16. If you do become emotional and your eyes start welling up, large font that's neatly spaced out will help you get to the end more confidently!
• And finally, keep it short! Measure your impact by what you say, and not how much you say!

Next time the invitation comes to speak at a wedding or funeral, think about how you might feel at the end of it - rather than how you'd feel doing it! You're more likely to accept it then and create a moment of pride that's simply immeasurable.

Go on............accept the spotlight with honour. And anyway, you wouldn't have been asked to do it if they didn't think you were good enough.............

Who's up for making 12/12/12 a day to remember?

It's amazing how certain dates can be the trigger to move people into action.

There's always a big rush and buzz for romantic couples to 'tie the knot' on triple digit dates! It's probably a good excuse too, for neither party to forget an anniversary on such a memorable date!

So recently we've seen - 09/09/2009, 10/10/2010 and 11/11/2011 and of course you can go back much further. Some people have a strong feeling of spirituality on these triple convergence dates, others have some sense of beginnings and endings. But the one thing you can guarantee, is that these dates create a frenzy to make something happen. No real logic to it - but does that matter?

Bookings will already be rolling in for weddings, vow renewals, naming ceremonies and other life changing events for 12/12/2012. If your instinct tells you to join the crowds - then get your diary out now and make some calls. Gretna Green saw at least 50 weddings this Friday 11th November, compared to its normal dozen or so that makes up a typical November Friday!

As it happens, I was conducting a funeral service for a lovely family on Friday 11th November. Of course that date couldn't be booked in advance - but I sense that in time, they'll look back and smile at the coincidence.

So are you up for making the 12/12/2012 a day to remember? At the moment.........my diary is free that day!