Backs of Heads........Brick Walls........Daylight.....3 top tips for things to think about when you're booking your Wedding Ceremony venue!

When I'm delivering a wedding ceremony, I'm mindful from start to finish.......of bringing everyone's minds into what's going on.   Guests are not there to just watch you do something.............if it was that simple we'd just send them a You Tube link after the event!  Each of them are with you because you decided they should be there.........and each one of them needs to feel your emotion on the day.

Your guests and how they feel about the ceremony..........is just as important as the vows you make to each other......and how you yourselves feel afterwards.  What your guests say long after the celebration, will be a tribute to how you made them feel part of it!

I'm always thinking of the senses!.......hear, see, feel, smell and taste.  And as much as I write to hit all of those senses, the venue plays a big part.

So before you turn the key in your car to go off in search of the ideal venue, here are 3 top things to mull over.  They're  little things........but they'll make such a huge difference for you, your guests and how your ceremony's perceived!

• What's so good about looking at the back of your heads? 

Why do people think that guests just want to look at the back of your heads?  We want to see you smile, laugh and cry.......We want to feel what you're going through!  We want to see your lips move to the words you say!...........Make sure your venue can seat your guests so that they can see you............Try the 'horseshoe' style!...........But whatever seating arrangements you go for.........we want to be able to smile with you......we want to cry when you do! 

• Why do you want to look at a blank wall?

When you're taking your vows with the love of your life...........why do you want a wall staring you in the face?   Wouldn't you much rather look out to beautiful scenery, a bright blue sky.......frost covered fields.............or tumbling snow?  Our minds work differently when we can visualise ............when we can imagine.  Walls block out your thinking!........And yet I've seen so many licensed venues who position their couples facing walls.......it's just lazy and poor event management skills!

• Why are you in a room with no natural daylight?

I've seen this in Register Offices and licensed venues too!  Everyone is escorted into a room with closed walls and no natural daylight........The only thing that lets you know that there's an outside.....is the exit door!

Natural daylight provides energy, even if we can only see it.  It makes us breath differently.  It helps us to visualise.  If I was offered a room at a venue with no windows, I would turn that booking down.  I've done enough training functions in my time, to know just how exhausted and depleted people feel when they're 'boxed in' ......no matter how long or short the event is.  Your ceremony is only half an hour - you owe it to everyone to make it the best half hour that you can!

So if you're off to visit a venue for any kind of ceremony, try following these three top tips!  Baby Namings, Vow Renewals, Weddings and Funerals......are all about emotion.  And what triggers our emotional button is the senses..........let them see light!

Carole

What makes for a 'bad' funeral Celebrant?

Now you will have to excuse this little blog!

It's written for professionals in the funeral industry and  questions the description of 'good' and 'bad' Funeral Celebrants.  It might not be your cup of tea.................it might not be up your street.........but it's something I've been mulling over recently.  You'll find it in the attached link.

http://www.goodfuneralguide.co.uk/2012/11/what-makes-for-a-bad-funeral-celebrant/

My thanks go to Charles Cowling, author of The Good Funeral Guide, for including this in his blog...............and for his witty decision to attach a picture of Rowan Atkinson!

Carole

Inspiring.......original......heart-breaking.....Let me introduce my Guest Blogger and her charity!

I'm delighted to bring you a guest blog this week from a most inspiring young lady by the name of Naomi Thomas. 

Naomi is the founder of a wonderful charity that helps to give terminally ill people, the wedding of their dreams:-

The Wedding Wishing Well Foundation www.weddingwishingwell.org.uk

I invited Naomi to tell us more about her charity, more about herself and more about what she needs to turn her goals into reality. 

Before you dip into this blog - grab a coffee.........make sure you're not in a rush anywhere.........and then ask yourself one simple question............how can I help?

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Who kick-started the charity and why?

At the end of 2011, I was busy organising a fundraising event in the town I grew up in, for 3 cancer charities.  I do a lot of work for cancer charities as I have secondary Breast Cancer which means I will not survive.

The local paper were running stories about me in the run up to the event and they briefly touched on the fact that my partner and I desperately wanted to marry, but because of cancer, couldn't afford to.  After the story ran, a local wedding planner got in touch and offered to try and make our wedding happen for as little money as possible.

This got me thinking.  I worked as a wedding planner myself before my diagnosis and I wanted to help other people in my situations, to have the wedding of their dreams, just like ours was turning into.  

On 6th June 2012, I married the love of my life at St Audries Park in Somerset, in front of all our family and friends.  The Wedding Wishing Well Foundation was by then, in full flow! 

What's your biggest success to date?

The charity is still in its very early days, with our first wedding happening on 8th December.  However, we're very proud of the fact that Mary King, the Olympic Equestrian Silver Medallist, has accepted our invitation to be our patron.

What do you need more of?

Funds is a big one for us!  There are many things that we can source for free, but often we need to pay for food, petrol expenses for suppliers etc, and these are the things that actually make the weddings happen.  We'd also love to hear from any suppliers who'd be willing to offer their services to help our couples. 

We accept second hand wedding dresses, shoes, tiaras - anything wedding related really that we can re-use.  Our website gives information of all the ways that money can be raised for us, many of them won't even cost you a penny!

What's surprised you about your journey so far?

I've been surprised how generous people are, even when we're in a recession.  It's really restored my faith in the world.  Helping these couples is a chance to give something back for everyone.

If you had a crystal ball, what's the best thing you can see in it that could happen to the charity?

For us to still be doing what we're doing in 10 years time..............helping as many people as we possibly can.  And the most important thing of all for me...........is to still be here to see it happen.

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This is just one of those concepts that gets me right there! 

 

It's original.  It's heart-breaking.  But it really can make a difference - and for me, if a charity can hit that button, then it deserves all the help it can get.

 

A huge thank you to Naomi for sharing her thoughts here............and all our good wishes for the success of the charity......and her own well being.

 

Carole

 

Carole Renshaw

Civil Celebrant

 

 





it

What's Cesar Millan and ceremonies got to do with each other?

So what's the dog trainer Cesar Millan and delivering ceremonies, got to do with each other?

And why does it deserve a blog on a Celebrant's web site?

I'm a great supporter of Cesar Millan and turned to one of his books recently, to help me with the training of our 8 month old Newfoundland, Mishca..........She'll be 9 stone when she's fully grown.......she swims like a fish with her life saving skills.........and she's keen to do everything right for you!

Stick with the blog..........This isn't all about a cute puppy!

He advocates a stage process of management, something I just abbreviate with EDA - Exercise - Discipline - Affection.  But what he also empahsises is 'being in the moment' with your dog..........and being able to deal with wherever that dog is in its own world. 

And this got me thinking!  That's just what taking a great ceremony calls for.  You have to absorb the emotion that's flying around.  You need to sense where people are at.  And you have to go with the moment and react to it!  That calls for flexible facilitation skills and well placed antennae.  Sometimes it's not all about what you see - it's about how you feel!

I delivered a ceremony recently where at one point, I went totally 'off script' - because the audience just weren't ready for what was coming........I could see it in their eyes.......I could feel it in the room.  I could sense it!

I moved it and brought it in later.  It was well received.   It raised some laughs.  If I'd followed my process and script......and ignored being ''in the moment' ............the ceremony wouldn't have had the feedback that it did!

So if you're looking for a Celebrant to take your ceremony - from a wedding to a funeral - look for someone who can sense their audience and feel the emotion in the room.  Then look for examples of where they've managed all of this to get a great end result.  If their script and their timing is so rigid that it's just a process......then you may as well just search for a college lecturer!

Being in the moment - it's something any Celebrant should be confident to deliver on!

XCarole

How to choose the ideal wedding ceremony venue!

I was delighted to be asked to be a Guest Blogger for a wonderful website www.beautilicious40bride.co.uk

The site is aimed at anyone aged 40 or over who's tying the knot!

My blog talks about how to choose the most perfect wedding venue......but I also share a little insight into my own wedding from June this year!

Take a look at  http://www.beautilicious40bride.co.uk/looking-at-wedding-venues-for-your-civil-wedding-dont-follow-the-rest/

.........and thanks to Janet from Beautilicious 40 Bride, for asking me to contribute to her most amazing website!

xCarole

My Top 5 Frequently Asked Questions!

Over the last few months, I’ve been busy with a range of ceremonies…..celebrations involving the arrival of new life through to the end of life.

Each ceremony is as unique as the person or the couple at the heart of it all……and I’m just as precious about my next ceremony …….as I was when I did my first!.

But there’s been a trend to some of the questions that families ask me – and I thought I’d share the top 5 with you……..and my answers!

1          What made you go into this then?

Firstly, a very dear friend told me some years ago, that she thought I’d be good at taking civil funerals…..that I just had ‘a way’ about me that would suit it.  I knew nothing about the role at the time and because I was forging ahead with my Consultancy career, I parked it - but never forgot her wisdom!  She’s one of those friends who rarely proffers her own opinion….but when she does, it’s worth waiting for!

I then went to a friend’s funeral and my heart sank at the kind of service they had.  They deserved so much more.  They had a life that should have been celebrated and recognised.  Instead they got a sombre passage into another era.  At that time, I just thought I could have given more.  But more importantly, I left that service wanting to give more.  The rest is history!

2          How do you not cry at funerals…..how do you hold it together?

I always thought I would cry.  But I don’t.  When I first went into this role I asked the same question of my Mum…….”Mum……what if I cry?”   Her answer was short and succinct……”Well if you do Carole…..then you’re in the wrong job!”

I want to give the best possible service I can and that means 100% devotion to delivery.  I believe that’s what mourners want from someone who leads them through one of the most difficult days of their life.  They need someone who is empathetic, yes.  But they need someone to give them direction and to lead them with strength and honest courage.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t have empathy.  I’ve shed subtle tears with many a bereaved person.  But it’s  saved for the right  time and place.

3          Are you busy?

That’s an interesting question because I think it’s subjective.  I’m as busy as I want to be!  I know some Celebrants in other counties who are delivering over 10 funerals a week – for me that would just be way too many!  A Celebrant’s week involves funeral services during the week days and Baby Namings, Vow Renewals or Weddings at week-ends – so you do have to get the balance.

I know I would be ‘too busy’ when I sense the quality of my ceremonies is suffering and I’m consciously aware of not allowing that to ever happen!

4          You can legally marry people or take civil partnerships then?

I cannot legally marry anyone!  You do still need a Registrar to conduct the legal side of marriage or a Civil Partnership.  But a Celebrant can take the ceremonial aspect of the marriage or partnership at any time and any place.

This means that the couple choose to take their two witnesses to the Register Office and conduct the minimum legal requirements to make them lawfully married or bound in a partnership.   That  involves some short statements and the signing of the register.  They then save the vows, exchange of rings, readings, music and much more, for their personalised wedding or partnership.  I’ve blogged on this before and the following link explains this in more detail http://www.sinceremoments.blogspot.co.uk/2012_04_01_archive.html

5          You’re a Humanist then?

No.  A Humanist would not allow the inclusion of any aspect of religion into their ceremonies.  Non-religious ceremonies means just that - the total exclusion of rituals such as hymns or prayers.

A Civil Celebrant will warmly and openly include spiritual or religious aspects in ceremonies, if that’s what families choose.

My take on this is simple.  I don’t believe the world is so black and white for it to be as simple as religious or not religious.  There has to be room for the grey – and Civil Celebrants openly accommodate this.

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The other question that raises its head from time to time is “What were you doing before this?”

Now that’s a whole new story.  But take a peek at my Linkedin profile for a snapshot of where I’ve been and what I’ve been up to over the years!

http://uk.linkedin.com/in/carolerenshawsinceremoments

When someone says that they 'enjoyed' a funeral - isn't that OK?

In my world - yes it is!  But more often than not, the use of the word 'enjoy' has a slightly different context.

Funerals are our last and final chance to say goodbye.  They have the potential to create new memories that stay with us for our lifetime.  Done badly - and they become a draining echo.

It's not unusual for mourners to come up to me after a service, to say how much they enjoyed it.  Sometimes they feel inwardly apologetic for the use of the word 'enjoy'.  Other times I see them frowning and hear them asking themselves if that's the right word to use.  It's almost like they feel uncomfortable to be able to enjoy such a sad occasion.

And when I chat a little further with them, enjoying the funeral was all about:

• Hearing about the deceased in a way that was true to them - "...it was John through and through...."
• Knowing that the funeral was taken in a way, that the person themselves would have loved.
• Providing an emotive experience from start to finish - "......I enjoyed every minute of it........."
• Learning something new about the person they've lost.

So I think it's OK to enjoy a funeral!  It doesn't mean we're roaring around with laughter.  It means that in a silent and personal way, mourners are individually finding connections that mean something to them, that they will forever remember.  It just so happens that in the context of a funeral - that's described as enjoyment!

So let's not feel humble or guilty at enjoying funerals - however that gets interpreted!

If we've helped someone to remember a great life.............to emphasise memories that get embedded deep inside.........and to walk away feeling warm, settled and at ease - then that'a funeral well done in my mind!

Getting going on Vow Writing - It's all about thinking first!

So you've decided to Renew your Vows!

You know you have complete freedom to say whatever you want to say!

But guess what?..........you can't get going!

Writing those first few words is the hardest thing for anyone to do - especially when you've got a blank sheet of paper staring you in the face.

Can you remember what you said last time?  Do you want to say the same vows or rewrite them altogether?  You may even want to do a 'pick-n-mix' - and select a bit of the old and and a little of something new.

So here's my starter for ten to get you going......and it's not about writing......it's about thinking first!

• Work in the past, present and future.

Think about how you felt those many years ago and how you felt saying your vows then.  Is there any element that stands out for you that you want to bring forward, to make sure it continues.

Then be 'in the moment' and think about what you have today with the other person.  Things you'd like to thank them for........surprises and challenges along the way............where you've both got to in life.

Then step ahead into your future - whatever that might look like! What do you want to make sure happens for the two of you?   How does your wider social and family life look in the future for the two of you and what do you both need to get there? If it was the best relationship it could be.....what needs to happen to get you there?

• Get hold of some Post-it-Pads - this bit is all about feelings and gut instinct!

Write down on as many words as you can to describe how you feel about the other person - use one Post-it for each word.  When you think you've come to the end......stop......think.....and then just write one more down that comes to mind.

Now put them all in front of you and take out your top 5 that have greatest meaning for you - you will want to negotiate.....you will want to swap and change....but you begin to get a feel for what's important.  I often do this exercise with couples who are struggling to find the words to write their own vows - it's a simple exercise that just draws out feelings....and it's amazing how quickly the vows emerge after it!

• Think of a sandwich

When you put your Vows together, think of it as though you're making a sandwich.  A thin slice to start .....lots of filling......and a final slice to top it off.  The final vow you make should in some way bring all of the other vows together to give a clear, memorable ending.  It's the finale!

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So there you have it - 3 Top Tips to get you going on writing your Vows.  The golden rule is to do plenty of thinking and playing around first!  Often this feels the most unproductive part of writing......but it's what makes your ideas flow much easier.

 

Your vows are personal to you.  They're the main focus of the ceremony.........Enjoy creating and promising them - they deserve the air space after so much hard work and thought!

XCarole

So what really needs to happen to make two people legally married?

Opting for a civil wedding or partnership?

Then don't feel that you're stuck with the standard corporate packages that licensed venues offer.  Don't accept either, that you're only other option for the ceremony, is to do it all at a Register Office.  There is another way to celebrate one of the most important days of your life and for it to be designed all around you!

Go and register the marriage/partnership and do the bare minimum legal requirements to make your marriage/partnership legal - then come away and hold your ceremony absolutely anywhere.  And here's the big difference......write your own vows.......and exchange your rings using the words that matter most to you.

Let's answer a very simple question? - what really needs to happen to make two people legally married?

• Firstly, there are what we call, Declaratory Words,  that need to be said:

 "I do solemnly declare that I know not of any lawful impediment why I ..................................may not be joined in matrimony to ........................................"

• Secondly, there are what we call, Contracting Words, that need to be said:

"I call upon these persons here present, to witness that I.................................do take thee.......................to be my lawful wedded husband/wife.

• And finally thirdly, you will need two witnesses and the attending Registrar to then sign the Register.

And that's it!  The exchange of rings and vows are purely ceremonial - they have no legal standing whatsoever and can be performed anywhere.


So imagine it now!  

You go and register your marriage, taking those three legal steps.  You then come away and get ready for the ceremony either that day or on a later day.  You can have this where you want and at a time you want - at sunset even if that's a special time for you.  You write your own vows and exchange your rings in your own way.  That's what makes it so special - so unique - so memorable - so unlike any other wedding ceremony.


And to make all of this happen and guide you through? - You need a Civil Celebrant who:

• Can pull it all together for you and who knows the 'ins and outs' of the process.
• Will meet with you when and where is best for you, as you do the early design work.
• Can design and lead the most memorable day you can imagine.
• Will deliver a ceremony like no other - simply because the two of you are like no other!

So if you're getting married and want to do something different - think about separating the legal aspects of your marriage from the ceremonial activities. 

Then have a chat with a Celebrant - you'll be surprised at just how personal, creative and emotive your day really can be!

When the time comes.....what is it that really matters about life?

I'm at the end of a busy week...........taking ceremonies about new life, right through to our endings.  That's just the landscape of a Celebrant's diary!

So I'm in quite a reflective mood.  

For me, this funeral poem just sums up what life's all about and it's one that a family used in a service I led recently.  At the end of the day, what is it that really matters?

Not, how did he die, but how did he live?

Not, what did he gain, but what did he give?

These are the units to measure the worth

Of a man as a man, regardless of his birth.

Nor what what his church, nor what was his creed?

Was he ever ready, with word of good cheer?

To bring back a smile, to banish a tear?

Not what did the sketch in the newspaper say,

But how many were sorry when he passed away? 

The poem has no author - it's anonymous.  But it does get us to question the meaning of life and how people measure us for our worth?

I wonder how many would be sorry if I passed away?

Let's not divide the market between religious & non-religious!

This is one of those topics which I've blogged on before.........but I'm stepping into it again because it's raising its' head constantly!

 "I am religious........but that was the best service I've ever been to!"

I'm coming to the conclusion more and more, that non-religious and semi-religious ceremonies like the ones I deliver, are nothing at all to do with the debate about religion!  They're about providing a service which celebrates a one-off occasion in a way that captures the essence of personlisation in its truest form.  That's what my ceremonies do........they're all about the person or the couple at the heart of all the emotion!

• Can you be religious and feel OK about choosing a personalised ceremony? 
• Can you dip into personalised ceremonies at major points in life's journey and dip back into religion?
• Can those working in the religious and non-religious industries work side by side on this?

My short answer to any of these questions is yes!

I'm seeing and hearing more and more people, opting for these types of ceremonies - simply because they have the hallmark of being a wonderfully personalised and unique celebration.  They're written completely around the person or the family.  And the person buying the service has total copyright over what's said and what's not said - not the person leading the service!

For me, it's less about dividing the market between religion and non-religion........it's about giving people what they want!  And that's crystal clear for me - people want:

• A professionally written and delivered ceremony
• Complete control over the content
• A unique ceremony that will never be repeated for anyone else!  
• Someone who will make the 30-40 minute ceremony stand out like no other!

Personal beliefs and values in life are important - I'm not advocating their withdrawal.  

I just have a belief myself, that non-religious ceremonies are nothing to do with whether you're religious or not - they're about choice and celebration on some of the most important days of your life!

Top 5 reasons to use a Celebrant!

You've seen some tweets going around twitter about Civil Celebrants!

You know that they're some kind of professional trained to conduct funerals, weddings, baby namings, vow renewals and much more!

You're wondering why you would ever need one!

Civil Celebrants are a breed of trained professionals who can design, facilitate and conduct non-religious or semi-religious ceremonies.  

Think of the typical ceremonies or services that you've been to like weddings, christenings or funerals, where they've tended to be led with a religious outlook.  Now imagine that you have another choice!

Ceremonies run by Civil Celebrants give an alternative to tradition and religion.  They focus on the people at the heart of the ceremony and their values and beliefs - and what they want the ceremony to do for them.  They don't focus on the beliefs of the person who is conducting the ceremony.  This is the main, refreshing difference! 

You could just 'google' the word 'Celebrant' all day and you'd soon get a feel for the types of ceremonies and services they're delivering all across the UK.  But here's a snapshot of the top 5 reasons for using one.......

• You get complete control over the structure, content and style of your ceremony - you get to design what is said and how it's said!  You're not tied into corporate standard packages or just 'going with the flow'.

• You can hold your ceremony or service anywhere you want and at anytime - forget about being tied into the working hours of others.  If you want your ceremony at sunrise or sunset....then you can!

• You can invite exactly who you like - there are no restrictions on numbers so long as your venue can accommodate the size of your party or audience. 

• If you're getting married or entering into a civil partnership, then you can design and write your own vows - you don't have to accept those standard statements that every other couple uses.  You really can make them your own! 

• You get a professional and polished finished for that big occasion - Civil Celebrants are certified and trained to provide the most professional finish and edge that you could imagine.  Design, delivery, engagement and rituals are their guiding lights.  This isn't always the case with religious bodies. 

So if you're looking to hold a wedding, partnership, renewal of vows, baby naming or funeral - then you deserve to have it wrapped completely around your own wishes and beliefs.  There's  so much commercialism and standardisation out in the market, that it's refreshing to know that there's a unique and personal approach available.  It's just about knowing what's on offer!


So 'google' and 'twitter' away........find a local Celebrant who you can chat to..........check out their certification and credentials..........then book them up!  You'll be guaranteed a one-off, personalised ceremony with a photo album afterwards like no-one else!

When choosing a non-religious ceremony isn't always about religion!

So you've decided on a non-religious ceremony......but what does that actually mean and how do others view that choice.

The immediate and simple perspective is that you must be an atheist - a ceremony without religion means atheism or humanism!  But would it surprise you if I told you that about 50% of people who use my services, do in fact follow an element of faith or religion?  And if I go a little further, many choose to put in some form of spiritual hymn, prayer or reading into the ceremony. 

So why would someone who lives with religion in their lives, choose a Civil Celebrant to design and deliver a major ceremony, as opposed to an ordained minister or member of their particular faith.  The answer is short and sweet - and it's nothing to do with religion!  People tell me that they don't want preaching to on one of the most important days of their lives!.......And that they want something personalised which isn't what religious bodies are about.  My take on this, is that it's about performance on the day rather than the religious divide.....and that for important events in our lives like weddings and funerals, we should be able to flit around to see who can do it best!



Many of my ceremonies are delivered for people who do have a belief.  It's just that they choose for that particular day and ceremony, to have someone who is professionally trained and certified to deliver an unforgettable experience.  They want control over the process.  They want control over the outcome.

Choosing a non-religious ceremony doesn't have to mean that we are one or the other - religious or non-religious.  The world isn't that black and white anymore.  Let's be prepared to live in the grey a little more and 'pick n mix' from what's on offer!


I use the NHS for my health care......at some points I may choose to dip into private care to get a better outcome.....but I know I can go back to the NHS for my longer term health.  Ceremonies and religion are no different for me - it's about the outcome people want and how they can best get that from what's available in the market.

Baby Naming Ceremonies - make them your 1st choice!

So your new little arrival is now with you!  

You want to mark this huge difference in your lives........

Are you thinking that your only option is a Christening?

Well let's just press the pause button and stop there!  

You may not consider yourselves to be religious or aligned to any particular faith.  You may have found out that for whatever reason, your local religious institution will not conduct a Christening for you.  But be very clear on one thing - you do have another option outside of the traditional route.

Baby Naming ceremonies, or as they're sometimes called Naming ceremonies, are a growing non-religious trend that are replacing the well known Christening ceremony.  They're run in a very similar way .........but have lots of bonuses that make them the right 1st choice - rather than the default when all else fails!

They tend to last for about 20-30 minutes...just like a Christening.......and have a structure that looks something like this:

• A warm and engaging welcome to everyone, with a little bit of background of the family.
• Readings or poems that have a special meaning
• Time to formally name the baby and welcome them into life, the family and wider community.
• Special commitments or promises from the parent(s)
• Special commitments or promises from the Guardians, Supporters or God-parents (you can use whichever name you're most comfortable with)
• Exchange of any special gifts
• Giving of certificates

This is just a basic guide - but what goes into a Naming ceremony depends on what everyone wants in there.  So you can be as intimate or as extravagant as you want to be!   These ceremonies are personalised and wrapped completely around you and your child - and that's how it should be.  Every child is unique.....and so too is every ceremony.

With Naming ceremonies, you get some great little extras:

• You have your own unique and individudal ceremony - you won't get asked to 'bundle' up with other families and be batched together!
• You get the chance to design and write your own special commitments to your baby that mean something to you - no reading from standard leaflets that are passed around at each ceremony and handed back at the end.
• You can hold the ceremony anywhere and anytime - in your own home or village hall in the evening if that suits!
  

 Formally trained and certified Celebrants are available all over the country.  Look out for someone who can show you a sample from a Baby Naming ceremony they've already run.  And also look out for someone who doesn't work for your local Council but who is independent.  Local Councils provide Baby Naming ceremonies but you'll probably be tied to using their licensed venues within restricted hours.  Some will hold them in private venues but might make an extra charge to you.  Some also charge extra for bank holidays and week-ends.  Most if not all Civil and Independent Celebrants, can give you a lot more flexibility and practical support!

Just because you choose not to have a religious celebration doesn't mean you should do without a celebration.....you and your child deserve something special! 

Go for a personalised and unique Baby Naming ceremony - make a difference to a little life.....and make it your 1st choice!

Want to speak at a wedding or funeral? Top tips to help manage the emotion!

I've blogged on this topic before, but I make no apologies for doing so again.  Standing up and speaking at weddings, funerals or the like, can give an enormous sense of fulfillment and reward for those able to get through it.

You don't need to be a great public speaker - if that's your day time job, then relinquish it for 2-3 minutes of the ceremony.   You just need to be a good communicator that can engage and build rapport quickly, in a room floodlit with emotion.  This isn't about getting messages across, it's about managing the silence.....the space.....the emotion that's whirling around.

If you've been asked to speak at a major life celebration event, then chances are your anxiety levels have already peaked just thinking about it.  You might be having night-after-night of broken sleep.  You've probably already stood in front of the mirror to see how you look and sound!

But saying yes and accepting the invitation is a great first step - why?...because there's no going back really is there?  

• So first of all, you've been asked to speak because you matter - so take some time to just reflect on how proud you should feel for that.  
• Secondly, you've been asked to speak because you have something important to say - which means you have something worth listenting to.
• Thirdly,  everyone loves to hear someone different to the main orator of a service - it brings 'real stories' back into a ceremony.

So you see, there's already every good reason for you to be up there.  So here are some top tips to help put your thoughts together and deliver them:

• When you get to your speaking lectern or table.....stop......look to everyone...hold your presence...and count yourself in.  Avoid the temptation to get going as quickly as possible.  These occasions call for reverence.
• Find a theme around which to wrap your words - make it easy for people to follow you!
• If you don't have a theme, find 2-3 key points to wrap your words around - people can follow points!
• Keep your sentences short so that you can lift your head and keep eye contact with people.
• If you feel yourself welling up with emotion.  Stop.  Breathe deeply.  But more importantly lift your head up and look upwards.  It's near on physically impossible to cry with your head in this position! Our bodies normally go into the foetal position to help us cry and be emotive - so you must consicously open yourself 'outwards and upwards' to manage yourself. 
• Keep your pace slow......so that you don't speed through your words with anxiety.   Otherwise as quick as you're up there, you're back down again.  And that gets a bit like musical chairs!

It's not easy by any means.  But I'd rather spend extra time with individuals to help them prepare for the occasion, than to see them sitting in the audience watching me do what they wanted to do in the first place!  Where's the reward in that for people?

So next time you're asked to speak at one of these ceremonies.......try these simple but effective tips - I'd love to know how you got on.......


Good Luck


Carole

Top 5 reflections from 2011 - Celibate or Celebrant??!!

Today, like most of you, I've been looking back over the year.  Looking over my shoulders into what's gone before.....smiling about those things that have gone well.......frowning at those things I could have done better or differently!

But to stop me getting too reflective and maudling.......I pushed myself to just pull out some simple facts and observations about my celebrancy work this year.  And so as a starter for 10........here's my top 5 reflections from 2011.......and I can guarantee that one of them will make you smile!

• In the last 6 months alone, well over 2000 people have sat and listened to me lead a non-religious ceremony - now you can't accuse me of not spreading the word for Civil Celebrants!
• On the whole, the general public believe that you must be a humanist if you do non-religious ceremonies - the fact that a Civil Celebrant can do non or semi-religious services is not widely known.
• Many people who choose non-religious services, do in fact have some form of belief or spirituality.....they just don't want a member of the clergy or faith preaching or leading a mantra.
• The most Frequently Asked Question I get is ........"What made you go into this then?".......followed closely by  "What do you wear?"
• When I explain to people that I'm a Celebrant -  somebody always looks at me odd thinking they heard me say that I was celibate!.....I'm still not sure how to get around that one!

So there we have it.....a kind of mini-report and look back into 2011 and my work as a Celebrant.  2011 has been a great year for me.  I've met new and interesting people and learnt new and interesting things.  

I wonder what my observations will be this time next year?!..........