When choosing a non-religious ceremony isn't always about religion!

So you've decided on a non-religious ceremony......but what does that actually mean and how do others view that choice.

The immediate and simple perspective is that you must be an atheist - a ceremony without religion means atheism or humanism!  But would it surprise you if I told you that about 50% of people who use my services, do in fact follow an element of faith or religion?  And if I go a little further, many choose to put in some form of spiritual hymn, prayer or reading into the ceremony. 

So why would someone who lives with religion in their lives, choose a Civil Celebrant to design and deliver a major ceremony, as opposed to an ordained minister or member of their particular faith.  The answer is short and sweet - and it's nothing to do with religion!  People tell me that they don't want preaching to on one of the most important days of their lives!.......And that they want something personalised which isn't what religious bodies are about.  My take on this, is that it's about performance on the day rather than the religious divide.....and that for important events in our lives like weddings and funerals, we should be able to flit around to see who can do it best!



Many of my ceremonies are delivered for people who do have a belief.  It's just that they choose for that particular day and ceremony, to have someone who is professionally trained and certified to deliver an unforgettable experience.  They want control over the process.  They want control over the outcome.

Choosing a non-religious ceremony doesn't have to mean that we are one or the other - religious or non-religious.  The world isn't that black and white anymore.  Let's be prepared to live in the grey a little more and 'pick n mix' from what's on offer!


I use the NHS for my health care......at some points I may choose to dip into private care to get a better outcome.....but I know I can go back to the NHS for my longer term health.  Ceremonies and religion are no different for me - it's about the outcome people want and how they can best get that from what's available in the market.

Baby Naming Ceremonies - make them your 1st choice!

So your new little arrival is now with you!  

You want to mark this huge difference in your lives........

Are you thinking that your only option is a Christening?

Well let's just press the pause button and stop there!  

You may not consider yourselves to be religious or aligned to any particular faith.  You may have found out that for whatever reason, your local religious institution will not conduct a Christening for you.  But be very clear on one thing - you do have another option outside of the traditional route.

Baby Naming ceremonies, or as they're sometimes called Naming ceremonies, are a growing non-religious trend that are replacing the well known Christening ceremony.  They're run in a very similar way .........but have lots of bonuses that make them the right 1st choice - rather than the default when all else fails!

They tend to last for about 20-30 minutes...just like a Christening.......and have a structure that looks something like this:

• A warm and engaging welcome to everyone, with a little bit of background of the family.
• Readings or poems that have a special meaning
• Time to formally name the baby and welcome them into life, the family and wider community.
• Special commitments or promises from the parent(s)
• Special commitments or promises from the Guardians, Supporters or God-parents (you can use whichever name you're most comfortable with)
• Exchange of any special gifts
• Giving of certificates

This is just a basic guide - but what goes into a Naming ceremony depends on what everyone wants in there.  So you can be as intimate or as extravagant as you want to be!   These ceremonies are personalised and wrapped completely around you and your child - and that's how it should be.  Every child is unique.....and so too is every ceremony.

With Naming ceremonies, you get some great little extras:

• You have your own unique and individudal ceremony - you won't get asked to 'bundle' up with other families and be batched together!
• You get the chance to design and write your own special commitments to your baby that mean something to you - no reading from standard leaflets that are passed around at each ceremony and handed back at the end.
• You can hold the ceremony anywhere and anytime - in your own home or village hall in the evening if that suits!
  

 Formally trained and certified Celebrants are available all over the country.  Look out for someone who can show you a sample from a Baby Naming ceremony they've already run.  And also look out for someone who doesn't work for your local Council but who is independent.  Local Councils provide Baby Naming ceremonies but you'll probably be tied to using their licensed venues within restricted hours.  Some will hold them in private venues but might make an extra charge to you.  Some also charge extra for bank holidays and week-ends.  Most if not all Civil and Independent Celebrants, can give you a lot more flexibility and practical support!

Just because you choose not to have a religious celebration doesn't mean you should do without a celebration.....you and your child deserve something special! 

Go for a personalised and unique Baby Naming ceremony - make a difference to a little life.....and make it your 1st choice!

Want to speak at a wedding or funeral? Top tips to help manage the emotion!

I've blogged on this topic before, but I make no apologies for doing so again.  Standing up and speaking at weddings, funerals or the like, can give an enormous sense of fulfillment and reward for those able to get through it.

You don't need to be a great public speaker - if that's your day time job, then relinquish it for 2-3 minutes of the ceremony.   You just need to be a good communicator that can engage and build rapport quickly, in a room floodlit with emotion.  This isn't about getting messages across, it's about managing the silence.....the space.....the emotion that's whirling around.

If you've been asked to speak at a major life celebration event, then chances are your anxiety levels have already peaked just thinking about it.  You might be having night-after-night of broken sleep.  You've probably already stood in front of the mirror to see how you look and sound!

But saying yes and accepting the invitation is a great first step - why?...because there's no going back really is there?  

• So first of all, you've been asked to speak because you matter - so take some time to just reflect on how proud you should feel for that.  
• Secondly, you've been asked to speak because you have something important to say - which means you have something worth listenting to.
• Thirdly,  everyone loves to hear someone different to the main orator of a service - it brings 'real stories' back into a ceremony.

So you see, there's already every good reason for you to be up there.  So here are some top tips to help put your thoughts together and deliver them:

• When you get to your speaking lectern or table.....stop......look to everyone...hold your presence...and count yourself in.  Avoid the temptation to get going as quickly as possible.  These occasions call for reverence.
• Find a theme around which to wrap your words - make it easy for people to follow you!
• If you don't have a theme, find 2-3 key points to wrap your words around - people can follow points!
• Keep your sentences short so that you can lift your head and keep eye contact with people.
• If you feel yourself welling up with emotion.  Stop.  Breathe deeply.  But more importantly lift your head up and look upwards.  It's near on physically impossible to cry with your head in this position! Our bodies normally go into the foetal position to help us cry and be emotive - so you must consicously open yourself 'outwards and upwards' to manage yourself. 
• Keep your pace slow......so that you don't speed through your words with anxiety.   Otherwise as quick as you're up there, you're back down again.  And that gets a bit like musical chairs!

It's not easy by any means.  But I'd rather spend extra time with individuals to help them prepare for the occasion, than to see them sitting in the audience watching me do what they wanted to do in the first place!  Where's the reward in that for people?

So next time you're asked to speak at one of these ceremonies.......try these simple but effective tips - I'd love to know how you got on.......


Good Luck


Carole

Top 5 reflections from 2011 - Celibate or Celebrant??!!

Today, like most of you, I've been looking back over the year.  Looking over my shoulders into what's gone before.....smiling about those things that have gone well.......frowning at those things I could have done better or differently!

But to stop me getting too reflective and maudling.......I pushed myself to just pull out some simple facts and observations about my celebrancy work this year.  And so as a starter for 10........here's my top 5 reflections from 2011.......and I can guarantee that one of them will make you smile!

• In the last 6 months alone, well over 2000 people have sat and listened to me lead a non-religious ceremony - now you can't accuse me of not spreading the word for Civil Celebrants!
• On the whole, the general public believe that you must be a humanist if you do non-religious ceremonies - the fact that a Civil Celebrant can do non or semi-religious services is not widely known.
• Many people who choose non-religious services, do in fact have some form of belief or spirituality.....they just don't want a member of the clergy or faith preaching or leading a mantra.
• The most Frequently Asked Question I get is ........"What made you go into this then?".......followed closely by  "What do you wear?"
• When I explain to people that I'm a Celebrant -  somebody always looks at me odd thinking they heard me say that I was celibate!.....I'm still not sure how to get around that one!

So there we have it.....a kind of mini-report and look back into 2011 and my work as a Celebrant.  2011 has been a great year for me.  I've met new and interesting people and learnt new and interesting things.  

I wonder what my observations will be this time next year?!..........