A question that gets right to the heart!

I’ve just finished reading a book that I had started some weeks ago. Not because I was finding it difficult to complete – it’s just that my work portfolio had suddenly shifted and the book took second place.

But I’ve now closed that last page! And I want to share a simple questioning technique that the book introduces and that can be applied to most decision making instances.

I’ve mentioned before a book called ‘Time to Think’ by Nancy Kline. She takes you through her thoughts and experiences of developing organisations into thinking environments. There are just over 250 pages of her wisdom. But for me, there is just one sentence/question/frame of words that I came across which has helped me more than anything at work and at home.

You know when you need to make a difficult or profound decision. When you probably know the answer but are in denial of it. When your emotion and gut is telling you something but your logic won’t accept it? Well here is a question that just gets to the heart of the matter. It generates moments of silence. It questions the very being of the issue. It challenges what we already know to be true.

“What do we already know that we are going to find out in a year?”

The beauty of the question is that you can apply it to most circumstances. You can amend the words and timescales to suit the circumstances. You can ask it of yourself. You can ask others to ask it of themselves. It avoids extracting logic. It concentrates on something much deeper in your thinking. And here’s how it’s been amended in my recent work.

“What do you know about this job that you’re going to find out in 5 years?”

“What do we know about this organisation that we’re going to find out after the merger?”

“What do you know about yourself that others will learn in a year?”

“What do we know about this government that we’re going to find out in a year?”

“What do you know about this client that you’ll find out by working with them?”

What the question seems to do is unravel a plethora of emotions that we find difficult to explain or give logic to – yet these are the very feelings which help drive our strategies and decisions

Go on try it! Apply the question to something that’s puzzling you. Even better, help someone else to work through something using this framework. I’d be delighted to hear how you got on!

Raising our game for feedback – just who are we in it for?

Over the bank holiday and early into this week, I have come across several occasions of people proffering their expertise, knowledge and skill. All of this has been with the aim of providing colleagues and friends, with much sought after feedback on key areas of development or discussion.

I have acutely listened and watched. I have despaired!

When we give feedback, an appraisal, a critique - can I offer a gentle reminder of what I believe to be five components that will make it a successful intervention:

* That the true beneficiary of feedback is the recipient – it is not to amplify the status, knowledge or perceived expertise of the individual offering their thoughts.

* That silence has a major part to play in the exercise – just because you cannot hear any dialogue does not mean that an inner conversation is not at work. Let the silence be.

* That the starting point is always the context of the person receiving the feedback. It is not your world that is most important here but the other person’s.

* That you should speak less than the appraisee! – Difficult for a lot of people!

* That you close your feedback intervention with the offer of an insightful question that is most likely to move the appraisee forward – after all it’s about them and not you!


Often when we are asked to give feedback on something for someone, it raises our own esteem and status on the issue – after all, they must be asking us because we are the experts!

But the true art of giving is about serving the need of others. So the next time someone asks you for feedback on something:

* Take a breath and be clear on whom you are doing this for – your own esteem or theirs.
* Accept that your view of the world may not be the best for others.
* Be comfortable in silence.
* Remember it’s their choice on what they do with the feedback.

And finally…

* Find a smart ending that will really help move the individual on in a thought provoking way!