When choosing a reading is like baking a cake!

In designing ceremonies, there is nearly always the opportunity to include readings, poems or other verses - they're great opportunities to reinforce a message or special meaning for you.

But if you're gearing towards having one or more of these in your ceremony, then don't get hung up too early on which one to choose! Often when I'm meeting people for the first time, I'm asked to bring along examples for them to look through. But I immediately steer away from this approach and encourage people to focus more on:

• Understanding the key message behind the ceremony or service.
  
• Learning about the personal values and beliefs around whom the ceremony is written.
• Thinking about how you want your guests to feel about the service.
• Is there anyone you have in mind to do the reading and are they a good speaker?- A great reading can flop through poor delivery!
  

I then come away and match the readings to these essential ingredients. If you're baking a cake, you wouldn't go out and buy vanilla essence for a strawberry pavlova! Then don't go and choose a reading until you've decided on the meaning of the ceremony and the key message you want people to leave with.

A reading, verse or poem should be included because it adds value to the ceremony - not because there's time for it or because 'that's what others have done'. So if you're using a Celebrant who just shows you a library of collections - then think again! But if you're using a Celebrant who shows you a short-list of appropriate samples - then there's been more thought and consideration into the design and the ceremony is sure to be a winner!

It's all about the difficult question!

That's a difficult one to answer!

And so it should be............Many of my conversations with people, families and couples, almost always include this as their response to my conversation with them.

When we're designing and scripting for major life changing events like the ones I conduct and facilitate, we're dealing with deep emotional content that only surfaces with the right questions. If I ask an easy question.......I'll get an easy answer! And that's no good to me as a designer or you as the person at the centre of the ceremony!

To get really meaningful and rich information that helps design ceremonies, I'm interested in those things that don't first spring into your head - if they do they are only superficial and there is no value in working with superficial or 'light' information. So my questioning is designed to 'dig deep' into your thinking to find those things that don't come out in normal conversation.

These questions might bring about an uncomfortable period of silence - that is fine and it means your inner thoughts are at work. They might bring out a raft of emotional responses - that is fine too as it helps me to write and design a ceremony that gets to the heart of what it's all about.

Try and remember the last time someone really made you think - chances are the question was a tough one but the response really helped you. There is a skill in crafting insightful questions - and also an art in then working with the information it brings about.

If you're looking for someone to design and conduct an important ceremony - make sure they're confident in working in this way. The alternative is a ceremony without heart and emotion and that's no good to anyone!

When getting remarried can be better than the first time round!

If you're getting remarried, then you're probably faced with the options of a standard civil ceremony for your wedding!

If I've caught you on a lazy evening mulling over how you say 'I do' - then you might just be browsing through brochures and catalogues for different venues and destinations?

If you're in either of these two situations - just press the pause button for one moment....

A church wedding is probably out of the question. After all, one or possibly both of you may have done this before! But there is a great alternative to what you think might be your only option of turning up at a register office and holding your standard ceremony there, or being the fourth couple in a month to get married at a licensed venue that appears in all the local magazines!

STOP PRESS - It's called using a Celebrant to conduct your ceremony when, where and how you want.

Imagine having total control over the length, content and structure of your celebrations. An independent celebrant is able to give you complete designer's freedom to have the ceremony of your dreams, wrapped entirely around your own thoughts and wishes for the day.

Wondering how it can be done? - then take a look at my website for further information on the legal aspects of getting married and the benefits of separating out the ceremonial aspects of the wedding. If you're getting remarried then you really do have the chance to make this even better than the first time round!

A wedding photo album like no other - all because you used a celebrant!

Here I am again - but only because it's my conversations with different people that initiate the different perspectives in my blogs!

Recent activities have led me into conversations about why you should choose to use a celebrant to create and design your wedding ceremony? Well if you're getting married then chances are that you'll be guided into one of the following avenues for your wedding:

• Full church wedding with all the expectations that go with that.
• Marriage at a fully licenced civil venue using a council registrar and celebrant.
• Result = No flexibility on the design of your ceremony and an album of photos like every other couple before and after you.

There is an alternative that enables you to celebrate your ceremony where-ever you want, when you want and with total designer's freedom to have the ceremony of your dreams. It works like this:

• You take care of the legal side of your marriage by completing the bare minimum requirements at a Register Office. You do not have to hold your ceremony there and the exchange of rings and vows can be done at any time and in any place - these rituals are purely ceremonial.
• You invite all your guests to the venue of your choice and conduct the ceremony with them all at your side. There are no restrictions on who can come because of numbers, how or where it is conducted, or how long you need to be there for - all these venue restrictions just vanish!
• You write your own vows that have real meaning for you - you have complete choice over what is said and how those vows are exchanged.
• You have a day like no other couple! It's your day and only yours........

I helped a couple understand how this could be done by summing up the approach:

• When a baby is born - we register the birth and celebrate the occasion later at a Baby Naming ceremony or Christening.
  
• When we lose someone close to us, we register the death and hold the funeral service some days later.
• When we get married - there is no reason why we cannot register the marriage and hold the ceremony later on.

It's just that we tend to stick with tradition - it's what we know and are comfortable with. But rest assured that there are alternatives that give real choice, flexibility and freedom. Your photo album should be as unique as you are as a couple! Using a professionally trained celebrant will give you this result.