When choosing a reading is like baking a cake!

In designing ceremonies, there is nearly always the opportunity to include readings, poems or other verses - they're great opportunities to reinforce a message or special meaning for you.

But if you're gearing towards having one or more of these in your ceremony, then don't get hung up too early on which one to choose! Often when I'm meeting people for the first time, I'm asked to bring along examples for them to look through. But I immediately steer away from this approach and encourage people to focus more on:

• Understanding the key message behind the ceremony or service.
  
• Learning about the personal values and beliefs around whom the ceremony is written.
• Thinking about how you want your guests to feel about the service.
• Is there anyone you have in mind to do the reading and are they a good speaker?- A great reading can flop through poor delivery!
  

I then come away and match the readings to these essential ingredients. If you're baking a cake, you wouldn't go out and buy vanilla essence for a strawberry pavlova! Then don't go and choose a reading until you've decided on the meaning of the ceremony and the key message you want people to leave with.

A reading, verse or poem should be included because it adds value to the ceremony - not because there's time for it or because 'that's what others have done'. So if you're using a Celebrant who just shows you a library of collections - then think again! But if you're using a Celebrant who shows you a short-list of appropriate samples - then there's been more thought and consideration into the design and the ceremony is sure to be a winner!

It's all about the difficult question!

That's a difficult one to answer!

And so it should be............Many of my conversations with people, families and couples, almost always include this as their response to my conversation with them.

When we're designing and scripting for major life changing events like the ones I conduct and facilitate, we're dealing with deep emotional content that only surfaces with the right questions. If I ask an easy question.......I'll get an easy answer! And that's no good to me as a designer or you as the person at the centre of the ceremony!

To get really meaningful and rich information that helps design ceremonies, I'm interested in those things that don't first spring into your head - if they do they are only superficial and there is no value in working with superficial or 'light' information. So my questioning is designed to 'dig deep' into your thinking to find those things that don't come out in normal conversation.

These questions might bring about an uncomfortable period of silence - that is fine and it means your inner thoughts are at work. They might bring out a raft of emotional responses - that is fine too as it helps me to write and design a ceremony that gets to the heart of what it's all about.

Try and remember the last time someone really made you think - chances are the question was a tough one but the response really helped you. There is a skill in crafting insightful questions - and also an art in then working with the information it brings about.

If you're looking for someone to design and conduct an important ceremony - make sure they're confident in working in this way. The alternative is a ceremony without heart and emotion and that's no good to anyone!

When getting remarried can be better than the first time round!

If you're getting remarried, then you're probably faced with the options of a standard civil ceremony for your wedding!

If I've caught you on a lazy evening mulling over how you say 'I do' - then you might just be browsing through brochures and catalogues for different venues and destinations?

If you're in either of these two situations - just press the pause button for one moment....

A church wedding is probably out of the question. After all, one or possibly both of you may have done this before! But there is a great alternative to what you think might be your only option of turning up at a register office and holding your standard ceremony there, or being the fourth couple in a month to get married at a licensed venue that appears in all the local magazines!

STOP PRESS - It's called using a Celebrant to conduct your ceremony when, where and how you want.

Imagine having total control over the length, content and structure of your celebrations. An independent celebrant is able to give you complete designer's freedom to have the ceremony of your dreams, wrapped entirely around your own thoughts and wishes for the day.

Wondering how it can be done? - then take a look at my website for further information on the legal aspects of getting married and the benefits of separating out the ceremonial aspects of the wedding. If you're getting remarried then you really do have the chance to make this even better than the first time round!

A wedding photo album like no other - all because you used a celebrant!

Here I am again - but only because it's my conversations with different people that initiate the different perspectives in my blogs!

Recent activities have led me into conversations about why you should choose to use a celebrant to create and design your wedding ceremony? Well if you're getting married then chances are that you'll be guided into one of the following avenues for your wedding:

• Full church wedding with all the expectations that go with that.
• Marriage at a fully licenced civil venue using a council registrar and celebrant.
• Result = No flexibility on the design of your ceremony and an album of photos like every other couple before and after you.

There is an alternative that enables you to celebrate your ceremony where-ever you want, when you want and with total designer's freedom to have the ceremony of your dreams. It works like this:

• You take care of the legal side of your marriage by completing the bare minimum requirements at a Register Office. You do not have to hold your ceremony there and the exchange of rings and vows can be done at any time and in any place - these rituals are purely ceremonial.
• You invite all your guests to the venue of your choice and conduct the ceremony with them all at your side. There are no restrictions on who can come because of numbers, how or where it is conducted, or how long you need to be there for - all these venue restrictions just vanish!
• You write your own vows that have real meaning for you - you have complete choice over what is said and how those vows are exchanged.
• You have a day like no other couple! It's your day and only yours........

I helped a couple understand how this could be done by summing up the approach:

• When a baby is born - we register the birth and celebrate the occasion later at a Baby Naming ceremony or Christening.
  
• When we lose someone close to us, we register the death and hold the funeral service some days later.
• When we get married - there is no reason why we cannot register the marriage and hold the ceremony later on.

It's just that we tend to stick with tradition - it's what we know and are comfortable with. But rest assured that there are alternatives that give real choice, flexibility and freedom. Your photo album should be as unique as you are as a couple! Using a professionally trained celebrant will give you this result.

"I've been to blessings before, but that was the most 'sincere' I've ever been to!"

At a recent Renewal of Vows ceremony, I was struck by these comments from a member of the audience. She had been to blessings before, but for her, the experience of the ceremony I conducted stood out above all others.

So what is it that makes for a good ceremony?

Here are my 5 top tips that should help you create a first class ceremony - whether that be for a wedding, baby naming, renewal of vows, funeral service or other life changing occasion. The added trick is to find yourself a first class celebrant to bring it all to fruition for you!

• Begin with the end in mind - Often I'll ask people how they want to feel when they leave the ceremony and how they want their audience to feel. I'll then work backwards to make sure we deliver on this expectation.

• Keep the spotlight on everyone - There may be a special person or couple around which the ceremony is written. But there are others in the room who are just as important and their expectations for the ceremony are just as significant. Don't forget your audience!

• It's not the length or size that matters - Don't worry about filling time. What's more important is the quality of what's said and how it's said, rather than the length of the ceremony itself. I've seen and witnessed ceremonies that have gone on too long and everyone moves into distraction mode!

• Be comfortable with silence and a pause - Just because we cannot hear anything happening does not mean that we are standing still. Silences are a powerful intervention for allowing others to meander with their thoughts, and letting their minds wander into wonderful memories that they will remember forever. And they will always link these memories to your ceremony!
  

• Go with the flow - All ceremonies have a strucutre - A start and an end! What's important on the day is that your celebrant is able to read the emotion in the room and work that into the ceremony. 'Going with the flow' is a skill that experienced facilitators draw upon to keep engagement and relevance. Never work with a celebrant who is so hung up on structure, that they lose the opportunity to capture those wonderful off-the-cuff moments!
  

If you have an important ceremony looming - then try using these 5 points as a check list.

They will be different to what you might have seen so far, but they are designed to make the most of a ceremony that doesn't getting a second chance on its showing. You and your audience deserve the best chance there is at getting it right first time.!

A 'Frequently Asked Question' about funeral celebrants!

A question that comes to me time and time again, is how a family would know where to look to source a Civil Funeral Celebrant if they needed one?

Let's think about it for a moment!

If you lose someone close to you and are responsible for arranging the funeral service, then the last think on your mind is start 'googling' who can take the service. You may already know that you don't want a deeply religious service - and that in itself is a great starting point!

But rest assured that those who work in the funeral industry and who you will be in touch with, will be able to navigate you to the right person. So here are some ideas about how to find that elusive funeral celebrant who can deliver a service and ceremony in exactly the way you want.

• Most if not all Funeral Directors, have lists of professionally trained civil funeral celebrants that are contactable at the touch of a button. They can call the celebrant for you and check out their availability.
• Check out your local councils as some employ celebrants that you might meet when you register the death.
  
• If you are caring for someone who is terminally ill, on long term palliative care, or who is clear about the kind of funeral they are looking for after their own passing - you do on this occasion have time to start 'googling' for the ideal celebrant. Two excellent websites that lists celebrants across the UK are: www.professionalcelebrants.org.uk and www.funeralcelebrants.org.uk
• Ask around in your social circle if anyone knows of someone who performs the celebrancy role - you'll be surprised of how many people have connections in this field either because they know someone personally or they've been to one of their services.
• If you find a celebrant but feel that they might be too far away geographically, don't let this put you off talking with them. Some Celebrants will travel and even if they cannot do the service for you, chances are they'll have excellent networks and will know someone who can!
  

So take some peace of mind that whilst you many not know the answer today of how to find a celebrant - they are around at different reference points and working in quite collaborative ways with the funeral industry.

Typically, people don't go looking for a funeral celebrant as they would other services - and that's why as celebrants, we put more energy into making sure our relationships with the funeral industry are robust, solid and seamless.

Baby Naming Ceremonies give more than just a name!

Baby Naming ceremonies - an alternative for when the church says no!

So the government's Office of National Statistics, has just announced the most popular baby names for 2010. If you haven't seen it yet, then you're about to go all gooey eyed if your child has one of these names.......

Top 3 names for boys:

• Oliver
• Jack
• Harry

Top 3 names for girls:

• Olivia
• Sophie
• Emily

So giving your baby his or her new name is great - but there's more to it than that in welcoming your new arrival into the family and community life. Have you ever been to a Baby Naming ceremony? Well if you've been to a christening then you'll know that it's not just about endorsing the name of the baby or young child. It's about promises, hopes, aspirations and commitment.

Baby namings offer an alternative to the traditional christening and they are the new arrival in the maternity and pre-school era. Talk to someone in your early years' groups and you're bound to bump into someone who's either had one, been to one, or thinking of having one!

They can be held anywhere, at any time and without the restrictions of time or format. They can be non-religious or semi-religious; the choice is absolutely yours. They're a celebration of your new arrival and a way of marking their entry into the new world with all of the promises you make to support them. If you wanted a traditional religious christening and your local church cannot or won't provide one for whatever reason - then rest assured that you do have an alternative!

And if by chance you were wondering how the trends on baby names have changed over time, these were the most popular a decade ago in 2000 in England and Wales:

Top 3 names for boys: - Jack, Thomas and James
Top 3 names for girls: Chloe, Emily and Megan

Just as trends on names change, so too do the celebrations we use to signify the baby's arrival into this world. Take a look at my website for further information on Baby Naming ceremonies, and how they offer a modern and unique approach to the celebration of a new child!