Why I'm not afraid to ask the difficult questions!

"That's a hard one.......!"

Pause....................Silence................Looks upwards........................Looks outside..............Looks to the floor.

When I'm designing ceremonies with families and couples, I'm not afraid to dig deep and ask the hard and difficult, searching questions.  They're the ones that bring you to a sudden halt.......and stop and make you think!  And inevitably, they bring out some amazing answers..........and that all leads to wonderfully creative ceremonies.
 

Here's an example.

"How do you both like spending your spare time?".....is an easy question that gives easy answers.

"When time is your own.........what makes you laugh out loud.....cry with laughter..........or smile from the heart?" .......is a difficult question that really makes you think.  

 

Chances are.........it also takes you much longer to answer the question....but that's OK - the answer is worth waiting for!

If you're happy to let me provoke your thoughts......and use your answers to create unique ceremonies.........then we're a fit!

XCarole

Standard Scripts.......they just sheep dip!

I accept that we're all different.

 

I understand that we all choose different things in life.

 

And I can see why 'straight forwardness' can be appealing....

 

But I can't see why we should settle for standard and well used scripts with finger prints all over them, when we're holding ceremonies for life's key moments like births, deaths and marriages.

• We are unique. 
• There is no other person on earth like us. 
• We cannot be replicated. 
• We all have a story!

The ceremonies I write, reflect this individuality......standard scripts sheep dip!. 

 

They create stories that people love to hear and be part of......standard scripts aren't interested in anything other than speaking their words! 

 

They build warmth and engagement with your guests and audience ........standard scripts don't 'do' engagement....they're written to just tell you something!

 

When I get my next call for another ceremony booking, I'll have one of these tucked away under my arm!........It's part of my working inventory!...................It's energising!....................And it'll help me to work with stories and individuality!

 

 

 

Don't settle for something that hundreds of others before you have settled for.  You deserve more than that!

 

XCarole

Tell them your story.....your way!

I was gently reminded today..........of the power of story telliing!

Stories bring people to life.
Stories let our imagination run wild.
Stories help us to tell people what really happens in our lives.
 
Whenever I conduct planning sessions or meetings with families about big life events, celebrations and ceremonies........I use story telling as my main medium of inquiry.

If any Celebrant walks into your house with a structured questionnaire.....show them the door!

Tell them your story......your way!

x Carole

Top 5 reasons to use a Celebrant!

You've seen some tweets going around twitter about Civil Celebrants!

You know that they're some kind of professional trained to conduct funerals, weddings, baby namings, vow renewals and much more!

You're wondering why you would ever need one!

Civil Celebrants are a breed of trained professionals who can design, facilitate and conduct non-religious or semi-religious ceremonies.  

Think of the typical ceremonies or services that you've been to like weddings, christenings or funerals, where they've tended to be led with a religious outlook.  Now imagine that you have another choice!

Ceremonies run by Civil Celebrants give an alternative to tradition and religion.  They focus on the people at the heart of the ceremony and their values and beliefs - and what they want the ceremony to do for them.  They don't focus on the beliefs of the person who is conducting the ceremony.  This is the main, refreshing difference! 

You could just 'google' the word 'Celebrant' all day and you'd soon get a feel for the types of ceremonies and services they're delivering all across the UK.  But here's a snapshot of the top 5 reasons for using one.......

• You get complete control over the structure, content and style of your ceremony - you get to design what is said and how it's said!  You're not tied into corporate standard packages or just 'going with the flow'.

• You can hold your ceremony or service anywhere you want and at anytime - forget about being tied into the working hours of others.  If you want your ceremony at sunrise or sunset....then you can!

• You can invite exactly who you like - there are no restrictions on numbers so long as your venue can accommodate the size of your party or audience. 

• If you're getting married or entering into a civil partnership, then you can design and write your own vows - you don't have to accept those standard statements that every other couple uses.  You really can make them your own! 

• You get a professional and polished finished for that big occasion - Civil Celebrants are certified and trained to provide the most professional finish and edge that you could imagine.  Design, delivery, engagement and rituals are their guiding lights.  This isn't always the case with religious bodies. 

So if you're looking to hold a wedding, partnership, renewal of vows, baby naming or funeral - then you deserve to have it wrapped completely around your own wishes and beliefs.  There's  so much commercialism and standardisation out in the market, that it's refreshing to know that there's a unique and personal approach available.  It's just about knowing what's on offer!


So 'google' and 'twitter' away........find a local Celebrant who you can chat to..........check out their certification and credentials..........then book them up!  You'll be guaranteed a one-off, personalised ceremony with a photo album afterwards like no-one else!

It's all about the difficult question!

That's a difficult one to answer!

And so it should be............Many of my conversations with people, families and couples, almost always include this as their response to my conversation with them.

When we're designing and scripting for major life changing events like the ones I conduct and facilitate, we're dealing with deep emotional content that only surfaces with the right questions. If I ask an easy question.......I'll get an easy answer! And that's no good to me as a designer or you as the person at the centre of the ceremony!

To get really meaningful and rich information that helps design ceremonies, I'm interested in those things that don't first spring into your head - if they do they are only superficial and there is no value in working with superficial or 'light' information. So my questioning is designed to 'dig deep' into your thinking to find those things that don't come out in normal conversation.

These questions might bring about an uncomfortable period of silence - that is fine and it means your inner thoughts are at work. They might bring out a raft of emotional responses - that is fine too as it helps me to write and design a ceremony that gets to the heart of what it's all about.

Try and remember the last time someone really made you think - chances are the question was a tough one but the response really helped you. There is a skill in crafting insightful questions - and also an art in then working with the information it brings about.

If you're looking for someone to design and conduct an important ceremony - make sure they're confident in working in this way. The alternative is a ceremony without heart and emotion and that's no good to anyone!

'Jumping over the broom' and 'Tying the knot'

'Do you have to be married to do this?

This morning I was taking a capuccino moment in my local coffee house. I was struck by an article in the Daily Telegraph around the differences between the option of living together versus marriage. The extract stood out for me, not because of any new revelation, but because it made me think more and more about the rituals of ceremonies and their symbolic impact on life.

My thoughts meandered into the implications of a wedding ceremony and how couples who choose to live together without marriage, miss such a significant event!

Now some will say that this is fine. Others will assume that the couple have not made that final move into a sustainable relationship. I don't advocate any right or wrong here as my own values on life take me to believe that everyone has the right to exercise their choice! But there is something about us as a society that values rituals, celebrations and symbolic acts. And wedding ceremonies are an example of just that!

So how would it feel if there was an option for couples living together, to create their own ceremonial affairs. We all need things to commemorate and be proud of - that's just part of being human.

There is no reason why two people could not celebrate their union without the formality and legality of marriage. We could start thinking about:

• Committment ceremonies to mark special anniversaries and milestones.
• Celebrating the moment when two people decide to set up home together in much the same way as we celebrate two people 'jumping over the broom'.
• Applying the concept of 'tying the knot' for two people, as we do in marriage.

Just because two people have chosen not to take their relationship into a legally married status, does not mean that they cannot take a ceremonial approach to their lives. The conduct of legal affairs and the design and running of ceremonies, are two completeley separate issues. And for many that is a perfectly acceptable way of living their lives.


So let's think much more creatively. Ceremonies are there to be experienced by us all. We just need to have the open mind to apply them more liberally!