Getting going on Vow Writing - It's all about thinking first!

So you've decided to Renew your Vows!

You know you have complete freedom to say whatever you want to say!

But guess what?..........you can't get going!

Writing those first few words is the hardest thing for anyone to do - especially when you've got a blank sheet of paper staring you in the face.

Can you remember what you said last time?  Do you want to say the same vows or rewrite them altogether?  You may even want to do a 'pick-n-mix' - and select a bit of the old and and a little of something new.

So here's my starter for ten to get you going......and it's not about writing......it's about thinking first!

• Work in the past, present and future.

Think about how you felt those many years ago and how you felt saying your vows then.  Is there any element that stands out for you that you want to bring forward, to make sure it continues.

Then be 'in the moment' and think about what you have today with the other person.  Things you'd like to thank them for........surprises and challenges along the way............where you've both got to in life.

Then step ahead into your future - whatever that might look like! What do you want to make sure happens for the two of you?   How does your wider social and family life look in the future for the two of you and what do you both need to get there? If it was the best relationship it could be.....what needs to happen to get you there?

• Get hold of some Post-it-Pads - this bit is all about feelings and gut instinct!

Write down on as many words as you can to describe how you feel about the other person - use one Post-it for each word.  When you think you've come to the end......stop......think.....and then just write one more down that comes to mind.

Now put them all in front of you and take out your top 5 that have greatest meaning for you - you will want to negotiate.....you will want to swap and change....but you begin to get a feel for what's important.  I often do this exercise with couples who are struggling to find the words to write their own vows - it's a simple exercise that just draws out feelings....and it's amazing how quickly the vows emerge after it!

• Think of a sandwich

When you put your Vows together, think of it as though you're making a sandwich.  A thin slice to start .....lots of filling......and a final slice to top it off.  The final vow you make should in some way bring all of the other vows together to give a clear, memorable ending.  It's the finale!

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So there you have it - 3 Top Tips to get you going on writing your Vows.  The golden rule is to do plenty of thinking and playing around first!  Often this feels the most unproductive part of writing......but it's what makes your ideas flow much easier.

 

Your vows are personal to you.  They're the main focus of the ceremony.........Enjoy creating and promising them - they deserve the air space after so much hard work and thought!

XCarole

So what really needs to happen to make two people legally married?

Opting for a civil wedding or partnership?

Then don't feel that you're stuck with the standard corporate packages that licensed venues offer.  Don't accept either, that you're only other option for the ceremony, is to do it all at a Register Office.  There is another way to celebrate one of the most important days of your life and for it to be designed all around you!

Go and register the marriage/partnership and do the bare minimum legal requirements to make your marriage/partnership legal - then come away and hold your ceremony absolutely anywhere.  And here's the big difference......write your own vows.......and exchange your rings using the words that matter most to you.

Let's answer a very simple question? - what really needs to happen to make two people legally married?

• Firstly, there are what we call, Declaratory Words,  that need to be said:

 "I do solemnly declare that I know not of any lawful impediment why I ..................................may not be joined in matrimony to ........................................"

• Secondly, there are what we call, Contracting Words, that need to be said:

"I call upon these persons here present, to witness that I.................................do take thee.......................to be my lawful wedded husband/wife.

• And finally thirdly, you will need two witnesses and the attending Registrar to then sign the Register.

And that's it!  The exchange of rings and vows are purely ceremonial - they have no legal standing whatsoever and can be performed anywhere.


So imagine it now!  

You go and register your marriage, taking those three legal steps.  You then come away and get ready for the ceremony either that day or on a later day.  You can have this where you want and at a time you want - at sunset even if that's a special time for you.  You write your own vows and exchange your rings in your own way.  That's what makes it so special - so unique - so memorable - so unlike any other wedding ceremony.


And to make all of this happen and guide you through? - You need a Civil Celebrant who:

• Can pull it all together for you and who knows the 'ins and outs' of the process.
• Will meet with you when and where is best for you, as you do the early design work.
• Can design and lead the most memorable day you can imagine.
• Will deliver a ceremony like no other - simply because the two of you are like no other!

So if you're getting married and want to do something different - think about separating the legal aspects of your marriage from the ceremonial activities. 

Then have a chat with a Celebrant - you'll be surprised at just how personal, creative and emotive your day really can be!

When the time comes.....what is it that really matters about life?

I'm at the end of a busy week...........taking ceremonies about new life, right through to our endings.  That's just the landscape of a Celebrant's diary!

So I'm in quite a reflective mood.  

For me, this funeral poem just sums up what life's all about and it's one that a family used in a service I led recently.  At the end of the day, what is it that really matters?

Not, how did he die, but how did he live?

Not, what did he gain, but what did he give?

These are the units to measure the worth

Of a man as a man, regardless of his birth.

Nor what what his church, nor what was his creed?

Was he ever ready, with word of good cheer?

To bring back a smile, to banish a tear?

Not what did the sketch in the newspaper say,

But how many were sorry when he passed away? 

The poem has no author - it's anonymous.  But it does get us to question the meaning of life and how people measure us for our worth?

I wonder how many would be sorry if I passed away?

Let's not divide the market between religious & non-religious!

This is one of those topics which I've blogged on before.........but I'm stepping into it again because it's raising its' head constantly!

 "I am religious........but that was the best service I've ever been to!"

I'm coming to the conclusion more and more, that non-religious and semi-religious ceremonies like the ones I deliver, are nothing at all to do with the debate about religion!  They're about providing a service which celebrates a one-off occasion in a way that captures the essence of personlisation in its truest form.  That's what my ceremonies do........they're all about the person or the couple at the heart of all the emotion!

• Can you be religious and feel OK about choosing a personalised ceremony? 
• Can you dip into personalised ceremonies at major points in life's journey and dip back into religion?
• Can those working in the religious and non-religious industries work side by side on this?

My short answer to any of these questions is yes!

I'm seeing and hearing more and more people, opting for these types of ceremonies - simply because they have the hallmark of being a wonderfully personalised and unique celebration.  They're written completely around the person or the family.  And the person buying the service has total copyright over what's said and what's not said - not the person leading the service!

For me, it's less about dividing the market between religion and non-religion........it's about giving people what they want!  And that's crystal clear for me - people want:

• A professionally written and delivered ceremony
• Complete control over the content
• A unique ceremony that will never be repeated for anyone else!  
• Someone who will make the 30-40 minute ceremony stand out like no other!

Personal beliefs and values in life are important - I'm not advocating their withdrawal.  

I just have a belief myself, that non-religious ceremonies are nothing to do with whether you're religious or not - they're about choice and celebration on some of the most important days of your life!

Top 5 reasons to use a Celebrant!

You've seen some tweets going around twitter about Civil Celebrants!

You know that they're some kind of professional trained to conduct funerals, weddings, baby namings, vow renewals and much more!

You're wondering why you would ever need one!

Civil Celebrants are a breed of trained professionals who can design, facilitate and conduct non-religious or semi-religious ceremonies.  

Think of the typical ceremonies or services that you've been to like weddings, christenings or funerals, where they've tended to be led with a religious outlook.  Now imagine that you have another choice!

Ceremonies run by Civil Celebrants give an alternative to tradition and religion.  They focus on the people at the heart of the ceremony and their values and beliefs - and what they want the ceremony to do for them.  They don't focus on the beliefs of the person who is conducting the ceremony.  This is the main, refreshing difference! 

You could just 'google' the word 'Celebrant' all day and you'd soon get a feel for the types of ceremonies and services they're delivering all across the UK.  But here's a snapshot of the top 5 reasons for using one.......

• You get complete control over the structure, content and style of your ceremony - you get to design what is said and how it's said!  You're not tied into corporate standard packages or just 'going with the flow'.

• You can hold your ceremony or service anywhere you want and at anytime - forget about being tied into the working hours of others.  If you want your ceremony at sunrise or sunset....then you can!

• You can invite exactly who you like - there are no restrictions on numbers so long as your venue can accommodate the size of your party or audience. 

• If you're getting married or entering into a civil partnership, then you can design and write your own vows - you don't have to accept those standard statements that every other couple uses.  You really can make them your own! 

• You get a professional and polished finished for that big occasion - Civil Celebrants are certified and trained to provide the most professional finish and edge that you could imagine.  Design, delivery, engagement and rituals are their guiding lights.  This isn't always the case with religious bodies. 

So if you're looking to hold a wedding, partnership, renewal of vows, baby naming or funeral - then you deserve to have it wrapped completely around your own wishes and beliefs.  There's  so much commercialism and standardisation out in the market, that it's refreshing to know that there's a unique and personal approach available.  It's just about knowing what's on offer!


So 'google' and 'twitter' away........find a local Celebrant who you can chat to..........check out their certification and credentials..........then book them up!  You'll be guaranteed a one-off, personalised ceremony with a photo album afterwards like no-one else!

When choosing a non-religious ceremony isn't always about religion!

So you've decided on a non-religious ceremony......but what does that actually mean and how do others view that choice.

The immediate and simple perspective is that you must be an atheist - a ceremony without religion means atheism or humanism!  But would it surprise you if I told you that about 50% of people who use my services, do in fact follow an element of faith or religion?  And if I go a little further, many choose to put in some form of spiritual hymn, prayer or reading into the ceremony. 

So why would someone who lives with religion in their lives, choose a Civil Celebrant to design and deliver a major ceremony, as opposed to an ordained minister or member of their particular faith.  The answer is short and sweet - and it's nothing to do with religion!  People tell me that they don't want preaching to on one of the most important days of their lives!.......And that they want something personalised which isn't what religious bodies are about.  My take on this, is that it's about performance on the day rather than the religious divide.....and that for important events in our lives like weddings and funerals, we should be able to flit around to see who can do it best!



Many of my ceremonies are delivered for people who do have a belief.  It's just that they choose for that particular day and ceremony, to have someone who is professionally trained and certified to deliver an unforgettable experience.  They want control over the process.  They want control over the outcome.

Choosing a non-religious ceremony doesn't have to mean that we are one or the other - religious or non-religious.  The world isn't that black and white anymore.  Let's be prepared to live in the grey a little more and 'pick n mix' from what's on offer!


I use the NHS for my health care......at some points I may choose to dip into private care to get a better outcome.....but I know I can go back to the NHS for my longer term health.  Ceremonies and religion are no different for me - it's about the outcome people want and how they can best get that from what's available in the market.

Baby Naming Ceremonies - make them your 1st choice!

So your new little arrival is now with you!  

You want to mark this huge difference in your lives........

Are you thinking that your only option is a Christening?

Well let's just press the pause button and stop there!  

You may not consider yourselves to be religious or aligned to any particular faith.  You may have found out that for whatever reason, your local religious institution will not conduct a Christening for you.  But be very clear on one thing - you do have another option outside of the traditional route.

Baby Naming ceremonies, or as they're sometimes called Naming ceremonies, are a growing non-religious trend that are replacing the well known Christening ceremony.  They're run in a very similar way .........but have lots of bonuses that make them the right 1st choice - rather than the default when all else fails!

They tend to last for about 20-30 minutes...just like a Christening.......and have a structure that looks something like this:

• A warm and engaging welcome to everyone, with a little bit of background of the family.
• Readings or poems that have a special meaning
• Time to formally name the baby and welcome them into life, the family and wider community.
• Special commitments or promises from the parent(s)
• Special commitments or promises from the Guardians, Supporters or God-parents (you can use whichever name you're most comfortable with)
• Exchange of any special gifts
• Giving of certificates

This is just a basic guide - but what goes into a Naming ceremony depends on what everyone wants in there.  So you can be as intimate or as extravagant as you want to be!   These ceremonies are personalised and wrapped completely around you and your child - and that's how it should be.  Every child is unique.....and so too is every ceremony.

With Naming ceremonies, you get some great little extras:

• You have your own unique and individudal ceremony - you won't get asked to 'bundle' up with other families and be batched together!
• You get the chance to design and write your own special commitments to your baby that mean something to you - no reading from standard leaflets that are passed around at each ceremony and handed back at the end.
• You can hold the ceremony anywhere and anytime - in your own home or village hall in the evening if that suits!
  

 Formally trained and certified Celebrants are available all over the country.  Look out for someone who can show you a sample from a Baby Naming ceremony they've already run.  And also look out for someone who doesn't work for your local Council but who is independent.  Local Councils provide Baby Naming ceremonies but you'll probably be tied to using their licensed venues within restricted hours.  Some will hold them in private venues but might make an extra charge to you.  Some also charge extra for bank holidays and week-ends.  Most if not all Civil and Independent Celebrants, can give you a lot more flexibility and practical support!

Just because you choose not to have a religious celebration doesn't mean you should do without a celebration.....you and your child deserve something special! 

Go for a personalised and unique Baby Naming ceremony - make a difference to a little life.....and make it your 1st choice!