Getting going on Vow Writing - It's all about thinking first!

So you've decided to Renew your Vows!

You know you have complete freedom to say whatever you want to say!

But guess what?..........you can't get going!

Writing those first few words is the hardest thing for anyone to do - especially when you've got a blank sheet of paper staring you in the face.

Can you remember what you said last time?  Do you want to say the same vows or rewrite them altogether?  You may even want to do a 'pick-n-mix' - and select a bit of the old and and a little of something new.

So here's my starter for ten to get you going......and it's not about writing......it's about thinking first!

• Work in the past, present and future.

Think about how you felt those many years ago and how you felt saying your vows then.  Is there any element that stands out for you that you want to bring forward, to make sure it continues.

Then be 'in the moment' and think about what you have today with the other person.  Things you'd like to thank them for........surprises and challenges along the way............where you've both got to in life.

Then step ahead into your future - whatever that might look like! What do you want to make sure happens for the two of you?   How does your wider social and family life look in the future for the two of you and what do you both need to get there? If it was the best relationship it could be.....what needs to happen to get you there?

• Get hold of some Post-it-Pads - this bit is all about feelings and gut instinct!

Write down on as many words as you can to describe how you feel about the other person - use one Post-it for each word.  When you think you've come to the end......stop......think.....and then just write one more down that comes to mind.

Now put them all in front of you and take out your top 5 that have greatest meaning for you - you will want to negotiate.....you will want to swap and change....but you begin to get a feel for what's important.  I often do this exercise with couples who are struggling to find the words to write their own vows - it's a simple exercise that just draws out feelings....and it's amazing how quickly the vows emerge after it!

• Think of a sandwich

When you put your Vows together, think of it as though you're making a sandwich.  A thin slice to start .....lots of filling......and a final slice to top it off.  The final vow you make should in some way bring all of the other vows together to give a clear, memorable ending.  It's the finale!

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So there you have it - 3 Top Tips to get you going on writing your Vows.  The golden rule is to do plenty of thinking and playing around first!  Often this feels the most unproductive part of writing......but it's what makes your ideas flow much easier.

 

Your vows are personal to you.  They're the main focus of the ceremony.........Enjoy creating and promising them - they deserve the air space after so much hard work and thought!

XCarole

Even William and Kate show how to make the best use of vows on their wedding day!

I’m having some really interesting conversations at the moment around the wedding ceremony side of my new business: –

“What? You really can write your own vows for a wedding?”

And we see this in a small way right now, in the words that William and Kate have decided to use in their statement of vows. Kate ‘will not obey’ – but the words chosen have been to ‘….love, comfort, honour and keep…..’

Wedding ceremonies are occasions that celebrate the new life of a couple that intend to spend the rest of their lives together through marriage. The vows and the exchange of rings are purely ceremonial and can be in any form or combination that suit the newly married couple. Any professional celebrant worth their weight in gold, can help a couple write their vows in a way that makes them unique, special and wrapped entirely around the wishes of the couple.

In legal terms, there are only three things that need to happen to form a legal marriage – and whether you like it or not, they simply have to be said and witnessed:

Declaratory Words:

I do solemnly declare that I know not of any lawful impediment why I (your full name) may not be joined in matrimony to (your partner’s full name)

Contracting Words:

I call upon these persons here present to witness that I (your full name), do take thee, (your partner’s full name), to be my lawful wedding wife (or husband)

And of course you need two independent witnesses to sign the register.

Outside of this, your ceremony can be where you want; how you want; and when you want – so long as the legal side of the marriage is taken care of separately.

I’ve just had the most enlightening and inspiring conversation with the Father of a Bride to be, about putting together a creative wedding ceremony for his one and only daughter. News just out is that it’s going to be at sunset! In the middle of his field….. And with everyone around to see and hear the most perfect vows you could imagine written for this special couple!

If you’re wedding is coming up……if you’ve recently got engaged……..just stop and press the pause button. Imagine the day and ceremony of your dreams – then talk with a professionally trained celebrant to help make those dreams come true!