"I've been to blessings before, but that was the most 'sincere' I've ever been to!"

At a recent Renewal of Vows ceremony, I was struck by these comments from a member of the audience. She had been to blessings before, but for her, the experience of the ceremony I conducted stood out above all others.

So what is it that makes for a good ceremony?

Here are my 5 top tips that should help you create a first class ceremony - whether that be for a wedding, baby naming, renewal of vows, funeral service or other life changing occasion. The added trick is to find yourself a first class celebrant to bring it all to fruition for you!

• Begin with the end in mind - Often I'll ask people how they want to feel when they leave the ceremony and how they want their audience to feel. I'll then work backwards to make sure we deliver on this expectation.

• Keep the spotlight on everyone - There may be a special person or couple around which the ceremony is written. But there are others in the room who are just as important and their expectations for the ceremony are just as significant. Don't forget your audience!

• It's not the length or size that matters - Don't worry about filling time. What's more important is the quality of what's said and how it's said, rather than the length of the ceremony itself. I've seen and witnessed ceremonies that have gone on too long and everyone moves into distraction mode!

• Be comfortable with silence and a pause - Just because we cannot hear anything happening does not mean that we are standing still. Silences are a powerful intervention for allowing others to meander with their thoughts, and letting their minds wander into wonderful memories that they will remember forever. And they will always link these memories to your ceremony!
  

• Go with the flow - All ceremonies have a strucutre - A start and an end! What's important on the day is that your celebrant is able to read the emotion in the room and work that into the ceremony. 'Going with the flow' is a skill that experienced facilitators draw upon to keep engagement and relevance. Never work with a celebrant who is so hung up on structure, that they lose the opportunity to capture those wonderful off-the-cuff moments!
  

If you have an important ceremony looming - then try using these 5 points as a check list.

They will be different to what you might have seen so far, but they are designed to make the most of a ceremony that doesn't getting a second chance on its showing. You and your audience deserve the best chance there is at getting it right first time.!

A 'Frequently Asked Question' about funeral celebrants!

A question that comes to me time and time again, is how a family would know where to look to source a Civil Funeral Celebrant if they needed one?

Let's think about it for a moment!

If you lose someone close to you and are responsible for arranging the funeral service, then the last think on your mind is start 'googling' who can take the service. You may already know that you don't want a deeply religious service - and that in itself is a great starting point!

But rest assured that those who work in the funeral industry and who you will be in touch with, will be able to navigate you to the right person. So here are some ideas about how to find that elusive funeral celebrant who can deliver a service and ceremony in exactly the way you want.

• Most if not all Funeral Directors, have lists of professionally trained civil funeral celebrants that are contactable at the touch of a button. They can call the celebrant for you and check out their availability.
• Check out your local councils as some employ celebrants that you might meet when you register the death.
  
• If you are caring for someone who is terminally ill, on long term palliative care, or who is clear about the kind of funeral they are looking for after their own passing - you do on this occasion have time to start 'googling' for the ideal celebrant. Two excellent websites that lists celebrants across the UK are: www.professionalcelebrants.org.uk and www.funeralcelebrants.org.uk
• Ask around in your social circle if anyone knows of someone who performs the celebrancy role - you'll be surprised of how many people have connections in this field either because they know someone personally or they've been to one of their services.
• If you find a celebrant but feel that they might be too far away geographically, don't let this put you off talking with them. Some Celebrants will travel and even if they cannot do the service for you, chances are they'll have excellent networks and will know someone who can!
  

So take some peace of mind that whilst you many not know the answer today of how to find a celebrant - they are around at different reference points and working in quite collaborative ways with the funeral industry.

Typically, people don't go looking for a funeral celebrant as they would other services - and that's why as celebrants, we put more energy into making sure our relationships with the funeral industry are robust, solid and seamless.

Baby Naming Ceremonies give more than just a name!

Baby Naming ceremonies - an alternative for when the church says no!

So the government's Office of National Statistics, has just announced the most popular baby names for 2010. If you haven't seen it yet, then you're about to go all gooey eyed if your child has one of these names.......

Top 3 names for boys:

• Oliver
• Jack
• Harry

Top 3 names for girls:

• Olivia
• Sophie
• Emily

So giving your baby his or her new name is great - but there's more to it than that in welcoming your new arrival into the family and community life. Have you ever been to a Baby Naming ceremony? Well if you've been to a christening then you'll know that it's not just about endorsing the name of the baby or young child. It's about promises, hopes, aspirations and commitment.

Baby namings offer an alternative to the traditional christening and they are the new arrival in the maternity and pre-school era. Talk to someone in your early years' groups and you're bound to bump into someone who's either had one, been to one, or thinking of having one!

They can be held anywhere, at any time and without the restrictions of time or format. They can be non-religious or semi-religious; the choice is absolutely yours. They're a celebration of your new arrival and a way of marking their entry into the new world with all of the promises you make to support them. If you wanted a traditional religious christening and your local church cannot or won't provide one for whatever reason - then rest assured that you do have an alternative!

And if by chance you were wondering how the trends on baby names have changed over time, these were the most popular a decade ago in 2000 in England and Wales:

Top 3 names for boys: - Jack, Thomas and James
Top 3 names for girls: Chloe, Emily and Megan

Just as trends on names change, so too do the celebrations we use to signify the baby's arrival into this world. Take a look at my website for further information on Baby Naming ceremonies, and how they offer a modern and unique approach to the celebration of a new child!

'Jumping over the broom' and 'Tying the knot'

'Do you have to be married to do this?

This morning I was taking a capuccino moment in my local coffee house. I was struck by an article in the Daily Telegraph around the differences between the option of living together versus marriage. The extract stood out for me, not because of any new revelation, but because it made me think more and more about the rituals of ceremonies and their symbolic impact on life.

My thoughts meandered into the implications of a wedding ceremony and how couples who choose to live together without marriage, miss such a significant event!

Now some will say that this is fine. Others will assume that the couple have not made that final move into a sustainable relationship. I don't advocate any right or wrong here as my own values on life take me to believe that everyone has the right to exercise their choice! But there is something about us as a society that values rituals, celebrations and symbolic acts. And wedding ceremonies are an example of just that!

So how would it feel if there was an option for couples living together, to create their own ceremonial affairs. We all need things to commemorate and be proud of - that's just part of being human.

There is no reason why two people could not celebrate their union without the formality and legality of marriage. We could start thinking about:

• Committment ceremonies to mark special anniversaries and milestones.
• Celebrating the moment when two people decide to set up home together in much the same way as we celebrate two people 'jumping over the broom'.
• Applying the concept of 'tying the knot' for two people, as we do in marriage.

Just because two people have chosen not to take their relationship into a legally married status, does not mean that they cannot take a ceremonial approach to their lives. The conduct of legal affairs and the design and running of ceremonies, are two completeley separate issues. And for many that is a perfectly acceptable way of living their lives.


So let's think much more creatively. Ceremonies are there to be experienced by us all. We just need to have the open mind to apply them more liberally!

When weaving in bits of religion can work best?

People often find me or are signposted to me, because of their choice to have a non-religious ceremony or service. In most cases, those same people are heartened to know that they can in fact build in elements of religion, if that is their choice.

Now if I was a humanist celebrant – such an offer would not be on the table. But I’m not a humanist and it is indeed on offer – the joys of choosing the ‘independent’ stance to my professional training!

I’m finding that this approach is attractive to people, when they start thinking about who will be attending the ceremony or service as guests. Often if there are religious members of the family or friends, then weaving in an element of religion can be a way of making a connection and helping them to feel involved. There is nothing worse for a guest than feeling like a passive bystander whilst everything is going on around them.

There are some respectful ways of bringing religion into ceremonies without it dictating the whole event:-

• Singing an appropriate hymn at a funeral service.

• Finding space for a special reading at a Wedding or Renewal of Vows.

• Allowing time for private prayers during moments of reflection.

As a Celebrant, I aim to create and facilitate ceremonies that put the spotlight where it needs to be, whilst ensuring all guests leave feeling involved, engaged, and connected to the celebration. And sometimes we can get there with a little ‘pick n mix’!

As ever the choice is entirely yours – but thinking about your guests might need to be on your check list!

When a wedding ceremony just has to be different!

As I talk with more and more people about how different their wedding ceremonies can look, I’m beginning to realise that tradition is such a powerful tool!

The yearning to hang onto as much tradition as we can, wrapped with the choice to have designer’s freedom for ceremonies seems to be a common thread of my chats. There is nothing wrong with this at all but using a Celebrant for your wedding ceremony can help build in the best of both worlds.

Take a look at this most unusual marriage proposal – and then look out for the glint of tradition that brings warmth and sincerity to the whole affair.





Now with this particular couple, you would imagine that their wedding ceremony is going to be something quite different and unique. If they were in the UK, I’d be encouraging them to go and do the basic legal necessities at a register office – over and done with in 15 minutes and so impersonal.

Then reach for the stars and design a ceremony that brings all of the ‘wow’ and fragility of romance that these two deserve. With snippets of tradition wrapped with elements of curious design, these two could take their ceremony wherever they want, when they want and have with them whom they want – all without the restrictions of licensed venues or offices. On top of that, add the ability to write your own vows and you have the making of something quite incredible!

Answers on a postcard – it’s called a Civil Wedding Ceremony!

Choosing a celebrant worth their weight in gold!

So you’ve made a decision. You want to renew your wedding vows. You know when and where but you don’t know how!

You’re told that you need a ‘Celebrant’. Chances are you’ve never heard of this before and don’t know where to start – but you have a vague idea that they conduct the ceremony!

Here are my 5 tops tips for choosing the right Celebrant to design, write and lead your ceremony:

• Make sure they’re happy to meet with you to chat about your thoughts – and this should be without obligation and more importantly without cost!


• Find out their experience before becoming a Celebrant – and look out for plenty of experience of working with people and great facilitation and writing skills
  


• Make sure they’re accredited through a recognised Celebrancy body.
  


• Ask to speak with other people who have used their services and who are happy to recommend them.
  


• Check out their website and make sure it gives you the right feel for the kind of person you’re looking for.

And if you’ve got this far and have all the ticks in the boxes, then chances are you’re on the road to making a sound decision. Celebrants worth their weight in gold should be giving you all of this. As ever, my advice is to go with your gut instinct!

Now enjoy the ceremony and those special moments just waiting to happen!