To Pray or not to Pray.....that is the question!

Whenever I take a ceremony - whether that be a Funeral , Vow Renewal, Baby Naming or a Wedding - I'm not cloaked or gowned in anything that resembles a religious institution.  In fact you'll probably find me in a black, grey or purple co-ordinated outfit!

So normally, people who are in the audience are a little curious as to who and what I am.   Straight away, they believe I must be an Humanist.  Because that's the language that's been around for some time.  You either believe in religion - or you don't. 

And if you don't, then you're a Humanist, Atheist or whatever label you choose to give it!

I describe the role of a Civil Celebrant as someone who's 'Middle of the Road'.  Which to me, means that the world isn't so black and white as we'd like to imagine.  Religious or not - how about "I don't know!"

So people who book and commission me to lead a ceremony for them, know that they are completely free to include any aspect of religion or spirituality into their celebration.  They use me because they don't want the ceremony to be led by religious beliefs or by an individual espousing what should be happening in life. 

To Pray or not to Pray - that is the question!

And if you decide to pray, sing a hymn, or have a religious reading, then make sure you don't book a Humanist to lead the ceremony for you.  It's simply not possible because of the belief systems of that ideology.

I don't know about you, but I'm pretty clear which option gives me most flexibility!

xCarole

Backs of Heads........Brick Walls........Daylight.....3 top tips for things to think about when you're booking your Wedding Ceremony venue!

When I'm delivering a wedding ceremony, I'm mindful from start to finish.......of bringing everyone's minds into what's going on.   Guests are not there to just watch you do something.............if it was that simple we'd just send them a You Tube link after the event!  Each of them are with you because you decided they should be there.........and each one of them needs to feel your emotion on the day.

Your guests and how they feel about the ceremony..........is just as important as the vows you make to each other......and how you yourselves feel afterwards.  What your guests say long after the celebration, will be a tribute to how you made them feel part of it!

I'm always thinking of the senses!.......hear, see, feel, smell and taste.  And as much as I write to hit all of those senses, the venue plays a big part.

So before you turn the key in your car to go off in search of the ideal venue, here are 3 top things to mull over.  They're  little things........but they'll make such a huge difference for you, your guests and how your ceremony's perceived!

• What's so good about looking at the back of your heads? 

Why do people think that guests just want to look at the back of your heads?  We want to see you smile, laugh and cry.......We want to feel what you're going through!  We want to see your lips move to the words you say!...........Make sure your venue can seat your guests so that they can see you............Try the 'horseshoe' style!...........But whatever seating arrangements you go for.........we want to be able to smile with you......we want to cry when you do! 

• Why do you want to look at a blank wall?

When you're taking your vows with the love of your life...........why do you want a wall staring you in the face?   Wouldn't you much rather look out to beautiful scenery, a bright blue sky.......frost covered fields.............or tumbling snow?  Our minds work differently when we can visualise ............when we can imagine.  Walls block out your thinking!........And yet I've seen so many licensed venues who position their couples facing walls.......it's just lazy and poor event management skills!

• Why are you in a room with no natural daylight?

I've seen this in Register Offices and licensed venues too!  Everyone is escorted into a room with closed walls and no natural daylight........The only thing that lets you know that there's an outside.....is the exit door!

Natural daylight provides energy, even if we can only see it.  It makes us breath differently.  It helps us to visualise.  If I was offered a room at a venue with no windows, I would turn that booking down.  I've done enough training functions in my time, to know just how exhausted and depleted people feel when they're 'boxed in' ......no matter how long or short the event is.  Your ceremony is only half an hour - you owe it to everyone to make it the best half hour that you can!

So if you're off to visit a venue for any kind of ceremony, try following these three top tips!  Baby Namings, Vow Renewals, Weddings and Funerals......are all about emotion.  And what triggers our emotional button is the senses..........let them see light!

Carole

What's Cesar Millan and ceremonies got to do with each other?

So what's the dog trainer Cesar Millan and delivering ceremonies, got to do with each other?

And why does it deserve a blog on a Celebrant's web site?

I'm a great supporter of Cesar Millan and turned to one of his books recently, to help me with the training of our 8 month old Newfoundland, Mishca..........She'll be 9 stone when she's fully grown.......she swims like a fish with her life saving skills.........and she's keen to do everything right for you!

Stick with the blog..........This isn't all about a cute puppy!

He advocates a stage process of management, something I just abbreviate with EDA - Exercise - Discipline - Affection.  But what he also empahsises is 'being in the moment' with your dog..........and being able to deal with wherever that dog is in its own world. 

And this got me thinking!  That's just what taking a great ceremony calls for.  You have to absorb the emotion that's flying around.  You need to sense where people are at.  And you have to go with the moment and react to it!  That calls for flexible facilitation skills and well placed antennae.  Sometimes it's not all about what you see - it's about how you feel!

I delivered a ceremony recently where at one point, I went totally 'off script' - because the audience just weren't ready for what was coming........I could see it in their eyes.......I could feel it in the room.  I could sense it!

I moved it and brought it in later.  It was well received.   It raised some laughs.  If I'd followed my process and script......and ignored being ''in the moment' ............the ceremony wouldn't have had the feedback that it did!

So if you're looking for a Celebrant to take your ceremony - from a wedding to a funeral - look for someone who can sense their audience and feel the emotion in the room.  Then look for examples of where they've managed all of this to get a great end result.  If their script and their timing is so rigid that it's just a process......then you may as well just search for a college lecturer!

Being in the moment - it's something any Celebrant should be confident to deliver on!

XCarole

How to choose the ideal wedding ceremony venue!

I was delighted to be asked to be a Guest Blogger for a wonderful website www.beautilicious40bride.co.uk

The site is aimed at anyone aged 40 or over who's tying the knot!

My blog talks about how to choose the most perfect wedding venue......but I also share a little insight into my own wedding from June this year!

Take a look at  http://www.beautilicious40bride.co.uk/looking-at-wedding-venues-for-your-civil-wedding-dont-follow-the-rest/

.........and thanks to Janet from Beautilicious 40 Bride, for asking me to contribute to her most amazing website!

xCarole

Trembling at the thought of speaking at a wedding or funeral?

At the non-religious civil services or ceremonies I design and conduct, there's always the opportunity for someone to take a reading, share a poem, or simply say a few words.

Let's be honest - it's not everyones' cup of tea. Standing up there all alone with hundreds of eyes upon you - who'd put their hands up for that then? And yes, sometimes the emotion takes over and gets the better of us. But if you want to take part and can manage your own emotions for a few short minutes, then it's a wonderful experience to look back on and be proud of.

So if someone's asked you to speak at a funeral or wedding, then here's a few tips to help you out.

• Above all, be conscious of your breathing and take slow deep breaths. Your breathing will help with your pace, tone and voice projection.
• When you're preparing your script - keep the sentences short. Short sentences let you lift your eyes and make contact with your audience. Long sentences keep you disconnected from people for far too long. Not good for them and you might just miss that occasional smile!
• Prepare your script in large font - say size 16. If you do become emotional and your eyes start welling up, large font that's neatly spaced out will help you get to the end more confidently!
• And finally, keep it short! Measure your impact by what you say, and not how much you say!

Next time the invitation comes to speak at a wedding or funeral, think about how you might feel at the end of it - rather than how you'd feel doing it! You're more likely to accept it then and create a moment of pride that's simply immeasurable.

Go on............accept the spotlight with honour. And anyway, you wouldn't have been asked to do it if they didn't think you were good enough.............