"Now when you get it - ignore the grammar and punctuation! It's written to be heard and not read........."

Whoever I'm working with on the design of a ceremony or a service, you'll hear me at some point explaining how the draft is likely to look.

This is because I'm preparing them for a piece of writing that is coming through that will at times look odd. It will at various points feel awkward to read...........And I can guarantee that it would fail any academic english language or grammar test! The reason is simple. My ceremonies are written to be 'heard' and not 'read'.

When I'm presenting a service whether that be a funeral, a renewal of vows or perhaps a baby naming ceremony - then the language, pace, tone, punctuation and overall presentation carries just as much weight, if not more sometimes, than the actual written content. Writing to be 'heard' is very different from writing pieces that are to be read and digested. When you're writing to be heard, you're writing for immmediate impact!

In my design work I make more use of language patterns. I systematically hit all of the senses. I speak in colour as well as in 'black and white'. I draw from the past as well as take people into the future. I talk 'big picture' alongside the detail.........and lots more. It all goes to putting together a ceremony that is engaging, interesting and unforgettable.

Your ceremonies are a one off experience. You won't get a second chance to run them again. So make sure you use a celebrant that's experienced in creative writing and presenting. It's the only way to guarantee great design and delivery of your ceremony.

'Hello' magazine gives examples of garden weddings!

It was another capuccino moment that sparked this latest blog! I put my hands up to admitting that I work best when I'm in 'thinking' and reflective mode!

I'd been having a chat that morning with a mum whose daughter is getting married next year - and explaining how using a celebrant for the wedding ceremony can give you something different. Then I opened the October issue of 'Hello'. Now if you have one to hand - then turn to the pages which celebrate the different weddings.

You'll read about how Mr and Mrs - "....got married in the gardens of the father of the bride......"

So how can you get married in your own gardens and exchange vows anywhere?

Let's put the record straight. Only a registrar from the Council or the member of your clergy can legally marry you here in England - that's when we start talking about church weddings or licensed civil venues. It's different in Scotland and in other countries, but that's where we are in England so let's just work with it. But how you 'celebrate' that wedding is entirely within your own gift.

So there's nothing stopping couples going to 'register' their marriage at the Register Office and doing the bare, basic legal minimum requirements - and then coming away to hold their wedding ceremony complete with the exchange of vows - at a place and time that matters most to them!

So why would you take this approach? Well if any of the following appeals to you, then have a chat with me!

• Complete freedom to design readings, vows and the whole content of your ceremony - you don't have to go along with what's offered to you and every other couple that comes through the doors!
• The opportunity to have the ceremony outdoors, in your own gardens, on your nearest beach, perhaps even at the place where the proposal took place - you can hold the ceremony anywhere and at anytime and aren't restricted to licensed venues.
• The choice of personalising this most significant chapter of your life - and having a photo album like no other!

If you think about it - when a child is born we register the birth and celebrate it through a christening or baby naming ceremony some weeks or months later. When someone dies, we register the death and hold the service a week or so later. You can register the marriage using this same approach and then come away and hold the ceremony afterwards.

Next time you read about someone getting married in their landscaped gardens, on the top of woodland or underneath their favourite 200 year old oak tree - chances are they used a Celebrant!

The approach doesn't appeal to everyone - but if you're getting married for the second, third or fourth time then something different like this could be quite exciting for you. And if you've had enough of the corporate and 'like-for-like' wedding packages, then this way of getting married is right up your street!

"Oh you're a humanist?"..............Short Answer - No...I'm an Independent Celebrant.

I've just spent a few days in Wales working with some previous clients from my consultancy world - and I also tacked on a few extra days to make the most of our last 2011 heatwave! As ever, people are interested in my growing celebrancy business and what that actually means.

I'm no longer surprised at the immediate response of "Oh, you're a humanist then?" The world is good at seeing things in black and white - it's an easy way to label things and put them into boxes. So you're either religious or if not, then you're an atheist - and that means humanism!

Now over recent times, that's been the growing trend - and humanism has developed in its' own right. The British Humanist Association (BHA) is evidence of this popularity and the celebrancy career has fitted neatly into this. But society isn't so black and white and often peoples' beliefs aren't always that clear cut.

My own values and beliefs steered me away from humanism. I'm much more comfortable being able to wander loosely, with curiosity - and to dip in and out of ideas and thoughts, rather than follow a clear cut line of beliefs. That's why when I entered the career of celebrancy, I chose the approach that best suited this lifestyle - an independent and 'middle of the road' stance. I chose to become an Independent Celebrant rather than a Humanist. For me, it was absolutely the right move.

My business which provides non-religious or semi-religious ceremonies and services gives you the best of both worlds. If you or some of your guests want a snippet of religion in there like a private prayer or hymn, then I can do this. If I was a humanist, the answer would be no........not at all. And if you don't want religion in at all, then my approach fits that too!

I'm finding that when given the choice, people actually quite like having the option to include religious or spiritual aspects into the service. It lets them value the beliefs of others as well as their own during a service or ceremony. It's not such a black and white approach after all.............But you do just need to know that you do have another option beside humanism - an Independent Celebrant.

If you're interested in finding out more, then visit the web site for our Professional Fellowship of Independent Celebrants - it describes our ethos and ways of working that might just appeal to you for your next celebration!

www.professionalcelebrants.org.uk

When choosing a reading is like baking a cake!

In designing ceremonies, there is nearly always the opportunity to include readings, poems or other verses - they're great opportunities to reinforce a message or special meaning for you.

But if you're gearing towards having one or more of these in your ceremony, then don't get hung up too early on which one to choose! Often when I'm meeting people for the first time, I'm asked to bring along examples for them to look through. But I immediately steer away from this approach and encourage people to focus more on:

• Understanding the key message behind the ceremony or service.
  
• Learning about the personal values and beliefs around whom the ceremony is written.
• Thinking about how you want your guests to feel about the service.
• Is there anyone you have in mind to do the reading and are they a good speaker?- A great reading can flop through poor delivery!
  

I then come away and match the readings to these essential ingredients. If you're baking a cake, you wouldn't go out and buy vanilla essence for a strawberry pavlova! Then don't go and choose a reading until you've decided on the meaning of the ceremony and the key message you want people to leave with.

A reading, verse or poem should be included because it adds value to the ceremony - not because there's time for it or because 'that's what others have done'. So if you're using a Celebrant who just shows you a library of collections - then think again! But if you're using a Celebrant who shows you a short-list of appropriate samples - then there's been more thought and consideration into the design and the ceremony is sure to be a winner!

It's all about the difficult question!

That's a difficult one to answer!

And so it should be............Many of my conversations with people, families and couples, almost always include this as their response to my conversation with them.

When we're designing and scripting for major life changing events like the ones I conduct and facilitate, we're dealing with deep emotional content that only surfaces with the right questions. If I ask an easy question.......I'll get an easy answer! And that's no good to me as a designer or you as the person at the centre of the ceremony!

To get really meaningful and rich information that helps design ceremonies, I'm interested in those things that don't first spring into your head - if they do they are only superficial and there is no value in working with superficial or 'light' information. So my questioning is designed to 'dig deep' into your thinking to find those things that don't come out in normal conversation.

These questions might bring about an uncomfortable period of silence - that is fine and it means your inner thoughts are at work. They might bring out a raft of emotional responses - that is fine too as it helps me to write and design a ceremony that gets to the heart of what it's all about.

Try and remember the last time someone really made you think - chances are the question was a tough one but the response really helped you. There is a skill in crafting insightful questions - and also an art in then working with the information it brings about.

If you're looking for someone to design and conduct an important ceremony - make sure they're confident in working in this way. The alternative is a ceremony without heart and emotion and that's no good to anyone!

When getting remarried can be better than the first time round!

If you're getting remarried, then you're probably faced with the options of a standard civil ceremony for your wedding!

If I've caught you on a lazy evening mulling over how you say 'I do' - then you might just be browsing through brochures and catalogues for different venues and destinations?

If you're in either of these two situations - just press the pause button for one moment....

A church wedding is probably out of the question. After all, one or possibly both of you may have done this before! But there is a great alternative to what you think might be your only option of turning up at a register office and holding your standard ceremony there, or being the fourth couple in a month to get married at a licensed venue that appears in all the local magazines!

STOP PRESS - It's called using a Celebrant to conduct your ceremony when, where and how you want.

Imagine having total control over the length, content and structure of your celebrations. An independent celebrant is able to give you complete designer's freedom to have the ceremony of your dreams, wrapped entirely around your own thoughts and wishes for the day.

Wondering how it can be done? - then take a look at my website for further information on the legal aspects of getting married and the benefits of separating out the ceremonial aspects of the wedding. If you're getting remarried then you really do have the chance to make this even better than the first time round!

A wedding photo album like no other - all because you used a celebrant!

Here I am again - but only because it's my conversations with different people that initiate the different perspectives in my blogs!

Recent activities have led me into conversations about why you should choose to use a celebrant to create and design your wedding ceremony? Well if you're getting married then chances are that you'll be guided into one of the following avenues for your wedding:

• Full church wedding with all the expectations that go with that.
• Marriage at a fully licenced civil venue using a council registrar and celebrant.
• Result = No flexibility on the design of your ceremony and an album of photos like every other couple before and after you.

There is an alternative that enables you to celebrate your ceremony where-ever you want, when you want and with total designer's freedom to have the ceremony of your dreams. It works like this:

• You take care of the legal side of your marriage by completing the bare minimum requirements at a Register Office. You do not have to hold your ceremony there and the exchange of rings and vows can be done at any time and in any place - these rituals are purely ceremonial.
• You invite all your guests to the venue of your choice and conduct the ceremony with them all at your side. There are no restrictions on who can come because of numbers, how or where it is conducted, or how long you need to be there for - all these venue restrictions just vanish!
• You write your own vows that have real meaning for you - you have complete choice over what is said and how those vows are exchanged.
• You have a day like no other couple! It's your day and only yours........

I helped a couple understand how this could be done by summing up the approach:

• When a baby is born - we register the birth and celebrate the occasion later at a Baby Naming ceremony or Christening.
  
• When we lose someone close to us, we register the death and hold the funeral service some days later.
• When we get married - there is no reason why we cannot register the marriage and hold the ceremony later on.

It's just that we tend to stick with tradition - it's what we know and are comfortable with. But rest assured that there are alternatives that give real choice, flexibility and freedom. Your photo album should be as unique as you are as a couple! Using a professionally trained celebrant will give you this result.