Delighted to Guest Blog for 'The Wedding Genie'!

Well a happy new year to everyone and I hope your January is moving things along nicely in your life and your personal dreams!

I was delighted to be asked by Julie Dawson, owner and found of a Staffordshire based  Wedding Planning service www.theweddinggenie.co.uk to contribute a blog for her.

Julie provides a really good all round Wedding Planning service - and the best bit about how she works - is that she's superbly connected to other services that supply the wedding industry.  So when she asked if I would say a little about the Wedding Ceremonies I take  and how a Celebrant works - I jumped at the chance!

Here's the blog which is on Julie's site http://theweddinggenie.co.uk/2013/01/11/want-to-write-your-own-wedding-vows-or-even-your-ceremony/  It gives you a feel for how my Wedding Ceremonies run...............but I also share an insight into my own Wedding Ceremony in 2012.......and how I used the services of a brilliant fellow Celebrant, to design and take our Wedding Ceremony....................So I share first hand, my experience of what it feels like to celebrate your marriage using a Celebrant!

Enjoy the blog......enjoy the pictures.......and enjoy thinking about how you could have a Wedding Ceremony like no other bride and groom before you!

XCarole

Backs of Heads........Brick Walls........Daylight.....3 top tips for things to think about when you're booking your Wedding Ceremony venue!

When I'm delivering a wedding ceremony, I'm mindful from start to finish.......of bringing everyone's minds into what's going on.   Guests are not there to just watch you do something.............if it was that simple we'd just send them a You Tube link after the event!  Each of them are with you because you decided they should be there.........and each one of them needs to feel your emotion on the day.

Your guests and how they feel about the ceremony..........is just as important as the vows you make to each other......and how you yourselves feel afterwards.  What your guests say long after the celebration, will be a tribute to how you made them feel part of it!

I'm always thinking of the senses!.......hear, see, feel, smell and taste.  And as much as I write to hit all of those senses, the venue plays a big part.

So before you turn the key in your car to go off in search of the ideal venue, here are 3 top things to mull over.  They're  little things........but they'll make such a huge difference for you, your guests and how your ceremony's perceived!

• What's so good about looking at the back of your heads? 

Why do people think that guests just want to look at the back of your heads?  We want to see you smile, laugh and cry.......We want to feel what you're going through!  We want to see your lips move to the words you say!...........Make sure your venue can seat your guests so that they can see you............Try the 'horseshoe' style!...........But whatever seating arrangements you go for.........we want to be able to smile with you......we want to cry when you do! 

• Why do you want to look at a blank wall?

When you're taking your vows with the love of your life...........why do you want a wall staring you in the face?   Wouldn't you much rather look out to beautiful scenery, a bright blue sky.......frost covered fields.............or tumbling snow?  Our minds work differently when we can visualise ............when we can imagine.  Walls block out your thinking!........And yet I've seen so many licensed venues who position their couples facing walls.......it's just lazy and poor event management skills!

• Why are you in a room with no natural daylight?

I've seen this in Register Offices and licensed venues too!  Everyone is escorted into a room with closed walls and no natural daylight........The only thing that lets you know that there's an outside.....is the exit door!

Natural daylight provides energy, even if we can only see it.  It makes us breath differently.  It helps us to visualise.  If I was offered a room at a venue with no windows, I would turn that booking down.  I've done enough training functions in my time, to know just how exhausted and depleted people feel when they're 'boxed in' ......no matter how long or short the event is.  Your ceremony is only half an hour - you owe it to everyone to make it the best half hour that you can!

So if you're off to visit a venue for any kind of ceremony, try following these three top tips!  Baby Namings, Vow Renewals, Weddings and Funerals......are all about emotion.  And what triggers our emotional button is the senses..........let them see light!

Carole

What makes for a 'bad' funeral Celebrant?

Now you will have to excuse this little blog!

It's written for professionals in the funeral industry and  questions the description of 'good' and 'bad' Funeral Celebrants.  It might not be your cup of tea.................it might not be up your street.........but it's something I've been mulling over recently.  You'll find it in the attached link.

http://www.goodfuneralguide.co.uk/2012/11/what-makes-for-a-bad-funeral-celebrant/

My thanks go to Charles Cowling, author of The Good Funeral Guide, for including this in his blog...............and for his witty decision to attach a picture of Rowan Atkinson!

Carole

Inspiring.......original......heart-breaking.....Let me introduce my Guest Blogger and her charity!

I'm delighted to bring you a guest blog this week from a most inspiring young lady by the name of Naomi Thomas. 

Naomi is the founder of a wonderful charity that helps to give terminally ill people, the wedding of their dreams:-

The Wedding Wishing Well Foundation www.weddingwishingwell.org.uk

I invited Naomi to tell us more about her charity, more about herself and more about what she needs to turn her goals into reality. 

Before you dip into this blog - grab a coffee.........make sure you're not in a rush anywhere.........and then ask yourself one simple question............how can I help?

********************************************************************************

Who kick-started the charity and why?

At the end of 2011, I was busy organising a fundraising event in the town I grew up in, for 3 cancer charities.  I do a lot of work for cancer charities as I have secondary Breast Cancer which means I will not survive.

The local paper were running stories about me in the run up to the event and they briefly touched on the fact that my partner and I desperately wanted to marry, but because of cancer, couldn't afford to.  After the story ran, a local wedding planner got in touch and offered to try and make our wedding happen for as little money as possible.

This got me thinking.  I worked as a wedding planner myself before my diagnosis and I wanted to help other people in my situations, to have the wedding of their dreams, just like ours was turning into.  

On 6th June 2012, I married the love of my life at St Audries Park in Somerset, in front of all our family and friends.  The Wedding Wishing Well Foundation was by then, in full flow! 

What's your biggest success to date?

The charity is still in its very early days, with our first wedding happening on 8th December.  However, we're very proud of the fact that Mary King, the Olympic Equestrian Silver Medallist, has accepted our invitation to be our patron.

What do you need more of?

Funds is a big one for us!  There are many things that we can source for free, but often we need to pay for food, petrol expenses for suppliers etc, and these are the things that actually make the weddings happen.  We'd also love to hear from any suppliers who'd be willing to offer their services to help our couples. 

We accept second hand wedding dresses, shoes, tiaras - anything wedding related really that we can re-use.  Our website gives information of all the ways that money can be raised for us, many of them won't even cost you a penny!

What's surprised you about your journey so far?

I've been surprised how generous people are, even when we're in a recession.  It's really restored my faith in the world.  Helping these couples is a chance to give something back for everyone.

If you had a crystal ball, what's the best thing you can see in it that could happen to the charity?

For us to still be doing what we're doing in 10 years time..............helping as many people as we possibly can.  And the most important thing of all for me...........is to still be here to see it happen.

***************************************************************************

 

 

This is just one of those concepts that gets me right there! 

 

It's original.  It's heart-breaking.  But it really can make a difference - and for me, if a charity can hit that button, then it deserves all the help it can get.

 

A huge thank you to Naomi for sharing her thoughts here............and all our good wishes for the success of the charity......and her own well being.

 

Carole

 

Carole Renshaw

Civil Celebrant

 

 





it

What's Cesar Millan and ceremonies got to do with each other?

So what's the dog trainer Cesar Millan and delivering ceremonies, got to do with each other?

And why does it deserve a blog on a Celebrant's web site?

I'm a great supporter of Cesar Millan and turned to one of his books recently, to help me with the training of our 8 month old Newfoundland, Mishca..........She'll be 9 stone when she's fully grown.......she swims like a fish with her life saving skills.........and she's keen to do everything right for you!

Stick with the blog..........This isn't all about a cute puppy!

He advocates a stage process of management, something I just abbreviate with EDA - Exercise - Discipline - Affection.  But what he also empahsises is 'being in the moment' with your dog..........and being able to deal with wherever that dog is in its own world. 

And this got me thinking!  That's just what taking a great ceremony calls for.  You have to absorb the emotion that's flying around.  You need to sense where people are at.  And you have to go with the moment and react to it!  That calls for flexible facilitation skills and well placed antennae.  Sometimes it's not all about what you see - it's about how you feel!

I delivered a ceremony recently where at one point, I went totally 'off script' - because the audience just weren't ready for what was coming........I could see it in their eyes.......I could feel it in the room.  I could sense it!

I moved it and brought it in later.  It was well received.   It raised some laughs.  If I'd followed my process and script......and ignored being ''in the moment' ............the ceremony wouldn't have had the feedback that it did!

So if you're looking for a Celebrant to take your ceremony - from a wedding to a funeral - look for someone who can sense their audience and feel the emotion in the room.  Then look for examples of where they've managed all of this to get a great end result.  If their script and their timing is so rigid that it's just a process......then you may as well just search for a college lecturer!

Being in the moment - it's something any Celebrant should be confident to deliver on!

XCarole

How to choose the ideal wedding ceremony venue!

I was delighted to be asked to be a Guest Blogger for a wonderful website www.beautilicious40bride.co.uk

The site is aimed at anyone aged 40 or over who's tying the knot!

My blog talks about how to choose the most perfect wedding venue......but I also share a little insight into my own wedding from June this year!

Take a look at  http://www.beautilicious40bride.co.uk/looking-at-wedding-venues-for-your-civil-wedding-dont-follow-the-rest/

.........and thanks to Janet from Beautilicious 40 Bride, for asking me to contribute to her most amazing website!

xCarole

My Top 5 Frequently Asked Questions!

Over the last few months, I’ve been busy with a range of ceremonies…..celebrations involving the arrival of new life through to the end of life.

Each ceremony is as unique as the person or the couple at the heart of it all……and I’m just as precious about my next ceremony …….as I was when I did my first!.

But there’s been a trend to some of the questions that families ask me – and I thought I’d share the top 5 with you……..and my answers!

1          What made you go into this then?

Firstly, a very dear friend told me some years ago, that she thought I’d be good at taking civil funerals…..that I just had ‘a way’ about me that would suit it.  I knew nothing about the role at the time and because I was forging ahead with my Consultancy career, I parked it - but never forgot her wisdom!  She’s one of those friends who rarely proffers her own opinion….but when she does, it’s worth waiting for!

I then went to a friend’s funeral and my heart sank at the kind of service they had.  They deserved so much more.  They had a life that should have been celebrated and recognised.  Instead they got a sombre passage into another era.  At that time, I just thought I could have given more.  But more importantly, I left that service wanting to give more.  The rest is history!

2          How do you not cry at funerals…..how do you hold it together?

I always thought I would cry.  But I don’t.  When I first went into this role I asked the same question of my Mum…….”Mum……what if I cry?”   Her answer was short and succinct……”Well if you do Carole…..then you’re in the wrong job!”

I want to give the best possible service I can and that means 100% devotion to delivery.  I believe that’s what mourners want from someone who leads them through one of the most difficult days of their life.  They need someone who is empathetic, yes.  But they need someone to give them direction and to lead them with strength and honest courage.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t have empathy.  I’ve shed subtle tears with many a bereaved person.  But it’s  saved for the right  time and place.

3          Are you busy?

That’s an interesting question because I think it’s subjective.  I’m as busy as I want to be!  I know some Celebrants in other counties who are delivering over 10 funerals a week – for me that would just be way too many!  A Celebrant’s week involves funeral services during the week days and Baby Namings, Vow Renewals or Weddings at week-ends – so you do have to get the balance.

I know I would be ‘too busy’ when I sense the quality of my ceremonies is suffering and I’m consciously aware of not allowing that to ever happen!

4          You can legally marry people or take civil partnerships then?

I cannot legally marry anyone!  You do still need a Registrar to conduct the legal side of marriage or a Civil Partnership.  But a Celebrant can take the ceremonial aspect of the marriage or partnership at any time and any place.

This means that the couple choose to take their two witnesses to the Register Office and conduct the minimum legal requirements to make them lawfully married or bound in a partnership.   That  involves some short statements and the signing of the register.  They then save the vows, exchange of rings, readings, music and much more, for their personalised wedding or partnership.  I’ve blogged on this before and the following link explains this in more detail http://www.sinceremoments.blogspot.co.uk/2012_04_01_archive.html

5          You’re a Humanist then?

No.  A Humanist would not allow the inclusion of any aspect of religion into their ceremonies.  Non-religious ceremonies means just that - the total exclusion of rituals such as hymns or prayers.

A Civil Celebrant will warmly and openly include spiritual or religious aspects in ceremonies, if that’s what families choose.

My take on this is simple.  I don’t believe the world is so black and white for it to be as simple as religious or not religious.  There has to be room for the grey – and Civil Celebrants openly accommodate this.

****************************************************************************************

The other question that raises its head from time to time is “What were you doing before this?”

Now that’s a whole new story.  But take a peek at my Linkedin profile for a snapshot of where I’ve been and what I’ve been up to over the years!

http://uk.linkedin.com/in/carolerenshawsinceremoments