Raising your game – the power of insights from others!

How seriously do you take feedback?
Are you curious of how others find you?
Are you humble enough to sit and really listen, take in and reflect on your own way of being?

When we work with people on a regular basis, we begin to make a judgement on their behaviour and on how they make us feel. We might compare it to our own values. We might compare it to how we see others. But like it or not, when you walk through your organisation’s front doors and begin to develop working relationships with your colleagues and peers – someone is developing a view on you based on their own experiences of life, beliefs and implicit values.

Those views on the whole, go unheard. It’s territory that we tend not to venture into. And yet they can offer such insights into how we are perceived. With those insights, we’d have a real opportunity to raise our game and achieve the unimaginable!

I’ve been working with small groups of peers where we’ve introduced the opportunity to give feedback to each other in a considered, thoughtful and insightful way. It’s based around a simple framework that some practitioners would say is just too loose! But it offers those using it, the scope to go where they want with it – and it’s that freedom which people have loved about it.

Very simply, people give their feedback and observations to an individual following 3 simple statements:

• What you should do more of…..
• What you should do less of….
• What you should continue to do……

And in giving feedback, remember it’s not about the exchange of power, expertise or preferential treatment. It’s about giving an honest appreciation of what someone does well (more of), what they could minimise to achieve greater potential (less of) and what they should ensure that they keep in their toolkit (continue to do).

I’ve found it works best when:

• There’s high trust amongst the individuals.
• There’s collegiate respect amongst the individuals.
• There’s an environment of curiosity and humility to learn.
• People understand the difference between listening and hearing!
• Everyone is encouraged to speak into the backs of the eyes of the individual they are giving feedback to (this is more difficult than you would imagine. But try speaking into the eyes of someone next time you’re with them and you’ll see and feel the difference in the conversation!)

I could write a much fuller article about how this is run for individual and group gain – and would be happy to share ideas with anyone interested. But as ever, my view on feedback remains unchanged. It is the recipient of the feedback who has the choice to act on the feedback or not – the gift of exchange is simply in having the opportunity to receive it!

Raising our game for feedback – just who are we in it for?

Over the bank holiday and early into this week, I have come across several occasions of people proffering their expertise, knowledge and skill. All of this has been with the aim of providing colleagues and friends, with much sought after feedback on key areas of development or discussion.

I have acutely listened and watched. I have despaired!

When we give feedback, an appraisal, a critique - can I offer a gentle reminder of what I believe to be five components that will make it a successful intervention:

* That the true beneficiary of feedback is the recipient – it is not to amplify the status, knowledge or perceived expertise of the individual offering their thoughts.

* That silence has a major part to play in the exercise – just because you cannot hear any dialogue does not mean that an inner conversation is not at work. Let the silence be.

* That the starting point is always the context of the person receiving the feedback. It is not your world that is most important here but the other person’s.

* That you should speak less than the appraisee! – Difficult for a lot of people!

* That you close your feedback intervention with the offer of an insightful question that is most likely to move the appraisee forward – after all it’s about them and not you!


Often when we are asked to give feedback on something for someone, it raises our own esteem and status on the issue – after all, they must be asking us because we are the experts!

But the true art of giving is about serving the need of others. So the next time someone asks you for feedback on something:

* Take a breath and be clear on whom you are doing this for – your own esteem or theirs.
* Accept that your view of the world may not be the best for others.
* Be comfortable in silence.
* Remember it’s their choice on what they do with the feedback.

And finally…

* Find a smart ending that will really help move the individual on in a thought provoking way!