Holding the mirror up - Looking Back and Taking Stock!

So it’s that time of year again! – Where most journals, articles, discussions and thought patterns push us to reflect on the year gone by and gain some clarity on where we want to be for the next 12 months. But it’s not rocket science is it? Yet there is something about endings and beginnings which help us to do such a simple task!

So in the spirit of keeping in tradition, I like many others, have followed this very simple but powerful exercise. I’ve taken the opportunity to reflect on my consultancy work for 2010, on my relationships with friends, family and colleagues and on my hopes and desires for this year and beyond.

I know that many who read this will have probably already done the same. But for me it was important to get the frenzy of the festive season out of the way, and to gain a sense of balance again as I started to look back. One thing I have learnt over the years is that context and emotional state are key to the way we behave and think!

So whilst looking back and during my musings, doodlings and wanderings, I’ve found some emerging themes which will guide me for 2011 both in my work and personal space.

• Values

So important to the way we behave and think and so critical to the relationships we create in life, wherever they may be. When values conflict, tension and battles emerge so quickly. As individuals we need to be mindful of the level of trade off we’re prepared engage in - and when and how, values become ‘deal breakers’.

Whether at work or at play, know your values inside out as they’re your guiding lights!

• Being ‘Absent but Present’

I’ve been privileged to work with some wonderful people last year. One of the things that made them stand out was their ability to influence way beyond their actual presence in an organisation or crowd. Because of the respect, belief and value afforded to them, they’ve been able to have an impact on thinking, decisions and behaviours without being in the immediate physical space. Being ‘absent but present’ is not an overnight trait that can be developed – it’s something that just emerges over time.

I’m sure you can think of those people right now who influence your thinking, your actions and your decisions, even when they are not physically with you. They’re not abundant in numbers but they just have something that makes them stand out.

Whether at work or at play, understand how far your influence stretches with people you are no longer physically with.

• Strengths Amplification

I’ve long been an avid admirer of Marcus Buckingham’s ideology about developing the best of yourself by focusing on your strengths and not weaknesses (www.marcusbuckingham.com). In all the public sector organisations I’ve worked with in my consultancy and salaried career, I’ve seen an innate drive to focus on the development of weaknesses rather than strengths. Complete waste of time in my view. Be clear on the strengths people bring to you in organisations or in your personal life – and develop and amplify those strengths beyond anything that you could have imagined. The fulfilment levels are immense and the results are incredible.

How do you feel yourself working on those areas that you’re not too good at? I’d guess that if we asked you to focus on the things you enjoy and are good at – that your energy levels would rise immediately – and with that so too would the results.

Whether at work or at play, be aware of your weaknesses for sure - but know your strengths and capitalise on them.

• The Long Game

Anything we do, say or think about today, has consequences for tomorrow, next year, the next decade. Our lives are a rippling timeline. If we really thought about our actions of today and how they affected the future play that has yet to be written, we’d do things differently. There is a ‘Long Game’ to everything that we’re part of – be smart enough to have this in your thinking as a route map.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not advocating paralysis through analysis. But I see so many people in organisations making decisions that are right for today, but wholly incompatible for the future. I see emotional behaviours in relationships that will distort future harmony.

Whether at work or at play, remember you’re in the Long Game and keep that as your focus, rather than satisfying today’s worries.

• Authenticity

I leave this till last purposely. Because in all of the interactions we have with others, what is significant is the level of authenticity that is sublimely measured. When our behaviours and actions are not consistent with our values, others around us will feel that and will challenge our authenticity.

There is something inside all of us which sounds the alarm bells when we know someone is not being authentic. In organisations, the workforce will feel disassociation with those who are not true to themselves or their messages. We read and listen to far more than the words we hear when we interact - our body language gives so much away it’s frightening.

I’ve seen people in key roles in organisations who’ve had to take different courses of actions and lead with new behaviours at difficult times. What helped them through these times was the level of honesty, courage, conviction and humility that worked alongside them. This package led to a level of authenticity that grew without conscious nurturing. It’s a rare trait but once you have it, it tends to stick! And those that do have it, have an aura about them which is indescribable.

Whether at work or at play, do not think you can fool those around you by your new behaviours unless you can bring the real package to the table.

So there you have it! My look back into the mirror for 2010, and some thoughts around the key aspects of my work and past times which have stood out for me. They will guide me in my year ahead, in the change of business direction that I’m starting to take, and in the friendships and alliances both old and new. They are a gentle reminder of what’s important for me – and if I don’t know myself first above all else, what kind of resource can I really ever be?

Raising your game – the power of insights from others!

How seriously do you take feedback?
Are you curious of how others find you?
Are you humble enough to sit and really listen, take in and reflect on your own way of being?

When we work with people on a regular basis, we begin to make a judgement on their behaviour and on how they make us feel. We might compare it to our own values. We might compare it to how we see others. But like it or not, when you walk through your organisation’s front doors and begin to develop working relationships with your colleagues and peers – someone is developing a view on you based on their own experiences of life, beliefs and implicit values.

Those views on the whole, go unheard. It’s territory that we tend not to venture into. And yet they can offer such insights into how we are perceived. With those insights, we’d have a real opportunity to raise our game and achieve the unimaginable!

I’ve been working with small groups of peers where we’ve introduced the opportunity to give feedback to each other in a considered, thoughtful and insightful way. It’s based around a simple framework that some practitioners would say is just too loose! But it offers those using it, the scope to go where they want with it – and it’s that freedom which people have loved about it.

Very simply, people give their feedback and observations to an individual following 3 simple statements:

• What you should do more of…..
• What you should do less of….
• What you should continue to do……

And in giving feedback, remember it’s not about the exchange of power, expertise or preferential treatment. It’s about giving an honest appreciation of what someone does well (more of), what they could minimise to achieve greater potential (less of) and what they should ensure that they keep in their toolkit (continue to do).

I’ve found it works best when:

• There’s high trust amongst the individuals.
• There’s collegiate respect amongst the individuals.
• There’s an environment of curiosity and humility to learn.
• People understand the difference between listening and hearing!
• Everyone is encouraged to speak into the backs of the eyes of the individual they are giving feedback to (this is more difficult than you would imagine. But try speaking into the eyes of someone next time you’re with them and you’ll see and feel the difference in the conversation!)

I could write a much fuller article about how this is run for individual and group gain – and would be happy to share ideas with anyone interested. But as ever, my view on feedback remains unchanged. It is the recipient of the feedback who has the choice to act on the feedback or not – the gift of exchange is simply in having the opportunity to receive it!