'Jumping over the broom' and 'Tying the knot'

'Do you have to be married to do this?

This morning I was taking a capuccino moment in my local coffee house. I was struck by an article in the Daily Telegraph around the differences between the option of living together versus marriage. The extract stood out for me, not because of any new revelation, but because it made me think more and more about the rituals of ceremonies and their symbolic impact on life.

My thoughts meandered into the implications of a wedding ceremony and how couples who choose to live together without marriage, miss such a significant event!

Now some will say that this is fine. Others will assume that the couple have not made that final move into a sustainable relationship. I don't advocate any right or wrong here as my own values on life take me to believe that everyone has the right to exercise their choice! But there is something about us as a society that values rituals, celebrations and symbolic acts. And wedding ceremonies are an example of just that!

So how would it feel if there was an option for couples living together, to create their own ceremonial affairs. We all need things to commemorate and be proud of - that's just part of being human.

There is no reason why two people could not celebrate their union without the formality and legality of marriage. We could start thinking about:

• Committment ceremonies to mark special anniversaries and milestones.
• Celebrating the moment when two people decide to set up home together in much the same way as we celebrate two people 'jumping over the broom'.
• Applying the concept of 'tying the knot' for two people, as we do in marriage.

Just because two people have chosen not to take their relationship into a legally married status, does not mean that they cannot take a ceremonial approach to their lives. The conduct of legal affairs and the design and running of ceremonies, are two completeley separate issues. And for many that is a perfectly acceptable way of living their lives.


So let's think much more creatively. Ceremonies are there to be experienced by us all. We just need to have the open mind to apply them more liberally!

When weaving in bits of religion can work best?

People often find me or are signposted to me, because of their choice to have a non-religious ceremony or service. In most cases, those same people are heartened to know that they can in fact build in elements of religion, if that is their choice.

Now if I was a humanist celebrant – such an offer would not be on the table. But I’m not a humanist and it is indeed on offer – the joys of choosing the ‘independent’ stance to my professional training!

I’m finding that this approach is attractive to people, when they start thinking about who will be attending the ceremony or service as guests. Often if there are religious members of the family or friends, then weaving in an element of religion can be a way of making a connection and helping them to feel involved. There is nothing worse for a guest than feeling like a passive bystander whilst everything is going on around them.

There are some respectful ways of bringing religion into ceremonies without it dictating the whole event:-

• Singing an appropriate hymn at a funeral service.

• Finding space for a special reading at a Wedding or Renewal of Vows.

• Allowing time for private prayers during moments of reflection.

As a Celebrant, I aim to create and facilitate ceremonies that put the spotlight where it needs to be, whilst ensuring all guests leave feeling involved, engaged, and connected to the celebration. And sometimes we can get there with a little ‘pick n mix’!

As ever the choice is entirely yours – but thinking about your guests might need to be on your check list!