Whether I’m working in organisations through my consultancy work, or sitting next to a family recently bereaved who I’m providing a funeral service for, I’m dealing with people! At those moments in time, I’m not nor should I be, the centre of discussion – It’s the people around me and their view of the world that takes centre stage.
If there were a couple of rapport building tips I could give out on a postcard – they’re based around the starting point of giving power to the other person’s world before your own.
• Be curious to listen before throwing your own views into the pot.
• Have a sense of compassion and empathy of the other world before your own.
• Begin to understand and play in the other playground, before you kick your own ball around.
Think of the last time you felt unheard, not listened to, or totally misunderstood. My guessing is that the conversation gave you little or no airspace!
Try something different today! Just stop and press the pause button with those conversations you have over the next 24 hours! Give a little more time and energy into understanding the other viewpoint and story – and then see how much richer and more powerful those conversations become for you.
I'm an award winning, professional Civil Celebrant who designs warm and imaginative non-religious & part-religious ceremonies: from Weddings to Funerals, and Baby Namings to Vow Renewals.....and I'm just as proud and attentive of my next ceremony as I was when I did my very first!
Showing posts with label conversation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label conversation. Show all posts
Friday, 20 May 2011
Sunday, 30 January 2011
A man on a train. A quick conversation. A day of reflection.
I’d like to introduce you to a man who just stopped and made me think!
You know when you just listen to someone and feel humility? When someone says something that makes you think about life in general……..Well yesterday that very thing happened to me.
Imagine a busy morning commuting train – this one was taking me to Birmingham. You can probably hear the hustle and bustle of passengers and the mutterings that develop in the carriages. If I’m honest, I tend to sit and listen most of the times. But yesterday, this amazing elderly man seated next to me started one of those very conversations with me. He had no idea of his impact. But he made me feel humble. In the space of 40 minutes, he was about to influence my thinking for the rest of the day.
Here was a man who had lost his wife just over 20 years ago. But here was a man too, that had decided all those many years ago, that the status quo of having ‘nothing to do’ was not an option for him. So here’s what left me feeling so humble:
• He wondered if he could take up cycling – and became proficient in cycling 100 miles a day with no more than a map in hand. He has a list of B&Bs in his pocket for his ‘stop offs’.
• He enjoyed using his hands so he learnt calligraphy – and became so good at it that he now teaches it every Tuesday.
• He saw no point in sitting next to somebody for 40 minutes without making some form of conversation – why miss an opportunity to learn something whatever that might be?
I’d like to introduce you to Eddie.
Eddie left me feeling humble. He had achieved some big changes after such a sad occasion. He left me feeling amazed that someone in the later stages of their life could cycle 100 miles a day. I became reflective as I thought about my own life and those around me.
We all know that major events in our lives can trigger a new chapter for us. Organisations often need a shock into their systems to trigger change, revitalisation or renewal. Eddie simply reminded me of just how effective this can be – even when the opportunity for change is driven by sad or tragic events. There is plenty of this in the world right now, but how it’s used for the greater good is a challenge to us all!
(The name of the man on the train has been substituted to ensure anonymity)
You know when you just listen to someone and feel humility? When someone says something that makes you think about life in general……..Well yesterday that very thing happened to me.
Imagine a busy morning commuting train – this one was taking me to Birmingham. You can probably hear the hustle and bustle of passengers and the mutterings that develop in the carriages. If I’m honest, I tend to sit and listen most of the times. But yesterday, this amazing elderly man seated next to me started one of those very conversations with me. He had no idea of his impact. But he made me feel humble. In the space of 40 minutes, he was about to influence my thinking for the rest of the day.
Here was a man who had lost his wife just over 20 years ago. But here was a man too, that had decided all those many years ago, that the status quo of having ‘nothing to do’ was not an option for him. So here’s what left me feeling so humble:
• He wondered if he could take up cycling – and became proficient in cycling 100 miles a day with no more than a map in hand. He has a list of B&Bs in his pocket for his ‘stop offs’.
• He enjoyed using his hands so he learnt calligraphy – and became so good at it that he now teaches it every Tuesday.
• He saw no point in sitting next to somebody for 40 minutes without making some form of conversation – why miss an opportunity to learn something whatever that might be?
I’d like to introduce you to Eddie.
Eddie left me feeling humble. He had achieved some big changes after such a sad occasion. He left me feeling amazed that someone in the later stages of their life could cycle 100 miles a day. I became reflective as I thought about my own life and those around me.
We all know that major events in our lives can trigger a new chapter for us. Organisations often need a shock into their systems to trigger change, revitalisation or renewal. Eddie simply reminded me of just how effective this can be – even when the opportunity for change is driven by sad or tragic events. There is plenty of this in the world right now, but how it’s used for the greater good is a challenge to us all!
(The name of the man on the train has been substituted to ensure anonymity)
Tuesday, 2 March 2010
Confusion through to Clarity... Just have the conversation!
I’m always amazed by an organisation’s unwillingness to take people into uncomfortable conversations – when they know only too well that they need to have them!
Threats to job security. Organisational mergers. Cost reductions in services. Uncertainty all around. It’s plain to see how the public sector is responding to the pressures of the economic downturn and global recession. But on an individual level for people working in these organisations I feel and see utter confusion! Confusion about:
* What questions they dare ask!
* Where will they be in 12 months time?
* How will this affect home and personal lives?
And not for one moment do I suggest that the answers sit anywhere! But people do need to mull over what’s happening and have the space to tread water somewhere safely. For anyone working in ambiguous and fluid environments, it’s accepted that following confusion comes the clarity…..and won’t it feel much better when we get there and have the structure to guide everyone through?
Mmmmm. Confusion is uncomfortable for many, but it does start to give some context and initiate a level of curiosity for what is happening around us.
For those faced with turning organisations around, find the courage to have those difficult conversations with people!.........Build the resilience to take staff through uncharted waters………..Help people to find their own answers through the confusion.
Organisations may not know the answers in times of such uncertainty, but they do know that their staff have emotions, thoughts and feelings…….and if they had one ounce of corporate social responsibility, they’d find ways to explore this healthy turmoil!
Threats to job security. Organisational mergers. Cost reductions in services. Uncertainty all around. It’s plain to see how the public sector is responding to the pressures of the economic downturn and global recession. But on an individual level for people working in these organisations I feel and see utter confusion! Confusion about:
* What questions they dare ask!
* Where will they be in 12 months time?
* How will this affect home and personal lives?
And not for one moment do I suggest that the answers sit anywhere! But people do need to mull over what’s happening and have the space to tread water somewhere safely. For anyone working in ambiguous and fluid environments, it’s accepted that following confusion comes the clarity…..and won’t it feel much better when we get there and have the structure to guide everyone through?
Mmmmm. Confusion is uncomfortable for many, but it does start to give some context and initiate a level of curiosity for what is happening around us.
For those faced with turning organisations around, find the courage to have those difficult conversations with people!.........Build the resilience to take staff through uncharted waters………..Help people to find their own answers through the confusion.
Organisations may not know the answers in times of such uncertainty, but they do know that their staff have emotions, thoughts and feelings…….and if they had one ounce of corporate social responsibility, they’d find ways to explore this healthy turmoil!
Thursday, 18 February 2010
Emotional fire in the belly stays with frontline staff!
I’m more and more convinced through my public sector work, that the core body of such organisations are losing their will to connect on an emotional level! The growth of technology in human capital led organisations is simply eroding all emotional connection and breath.
The once needed rapport between people is no longer sought after. The freely given corridor chats are a thing of the past. The curiosity to find out what exists outside of the plethora of performance management frameworks, is simply absent. Conversations which help us to share and explain our emotional connections, have become shorter and less connected to the business of the day.
Technology has flooded us with apparatus that no longer needs two people to meet; no longer needs a group to converge in the same space, or at its simplest no longer needs one office worker to turn around and talk with the other. Think about it! How many of us have seen the invisible emails bouncing around an office as team members talk silently and make decisions in cyberspace!
Those who manage to escape this blanket of a technological cloud are those located closer to the end user – the frontline staff. They have the much needed opportunities to enter into rich and meaningful conversations. They are closer to the organisation’s main customer and user, and furthest away from the technology that is so stifling for the inner core. They hang onto the emotional fire in their bellies that drives and satisfies their personal motives – and we all need some of that!
Surely the challenge is how to grab back the emotion of days gone by? We all deserve some fire in our bellies no matter where we are in an organisation!
The once needed rapport between people is no longer sought after. The freely given corridor chats are a thing of the past. The curiosity to find out what exists outside of the plethora of performance management frameworks, is simply absent. Conversations which help us to share and explain our emotional connections, have become shorter and less connected to the business of the day.
Technology has flooded us with apparatus that no longer needs two people to meet; no longer needs a group to converge in the same space, or at its simplest no longer needs one office worker to turn around and talk with the other. Think about it! How many of us have seen the invisible emails bouncing around an office as team members talk silently and make decisions in cyberspace!
Those who manage to escape this blanket of a technological cloud are those located closer to the end user – the frontline staff. They have the much needed opportunities to enter into rich and meaningful conversations. They are closer to the organisation’s main customer and user, and furthest away from the technology that is so stifling for the inner core. They hang onto the emotional fire in their bellies that drives and satisfies their personal motives – and we all need some of that!
Surely the challenge is how to grab back the emotion of days gone by? We all deserve some fire in our bellies no matter where we are in an organisation!
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