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Monday, 21 May 2012

When someone says that they 'enjoyed' a funeral - isn't that OK?


In my world - yes it is!  But more often than not, the use of the word 'enjoy' has a slightly different context.

Funerals are our last and final chance to say goodbye.  They have the potential to create new memories that stay with us for our lifetime.  Done badly - and they become a draining echo.

It's not unusual for mourners to come up to me after a service, to say how much they enjoyed it.  Sometimes they feel inwardly apologetic for the use of the word 'enjoy'.  Other times I see them frowning and hear them asking themselves if that's the right word to use.  It's almost like they feel uncomfortable to be able to enjoy such a sad occasion.

And when I chat a little further with them, enjoying the funeral was all about:

  • Hearing about the deceased in a way that was true to them - "...it was John through and through...."
  • Knowing that the funeral was taken in a way, that the person themselves would have loved.
  • Providing an emotive experience from start to finish - "......I enjoyed every minute of it........."
  • Learning something new about the person they've lost.

So I think it's OK to enjoy a funeral!  It doesn't mean we're roaring around with laughter.  It means that in a silent and personal way, mourners are individually finding connections that mean something to them, that they will forever remember.  It just so happens that in the context of a funeral - that's described as enjoyment!

So let's not feel humble or guilty at enjoying funerals - however that gets interpreted!

If we've helped someone to remember a great life.............to emphasise memories that get embedded deep inside.........and to walk away feeling warm, settled and at ease - then that'a funeral well done in my mind!

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