You don’t have long. So it’s about pulling out those things that
people will remember most. Think of who
will be at the service and write with them in your mind. As much as this is a eulogy about a person,
it’s also about engaging with each and every person in the room and they need
to feel connected to it.
For the use of an example, we will assume you are
preparing a eulogy for a lady called Lynne.
You want people to walk away from her service saying:
”That was just Lynne down
to a tee!”
Your delivery of the eulogy is just as important as
what’s said. Although you will be
talking about someone you’re emotionally attached to, so worry less about your
performance on this occasion. People
aren’t expecting a great show. They just
want to hear something moving, meaningful, relevant and something they can
relate to.
Some
insightful questions to ask yourself
If you close your eyes and think of Lynne, what do you see her doing,
saying or just generally getting up to?
How does she make you feel when you think about her?
What will you miss most now that she’s no longer with you?
What were those little things that just got under your skin? - her
little foibles that made her who she was?
If you had three words to sum Lynne up, and only 3 words, what would
they be?
When do you think she was at her happiest in life?
What were Lynne’s proudest moments?
How did she deal with challenges in life?
Some
things to look out for!
People will remember how the eulogy made them feel. They won’t remember a list of dates, jobs or
names. Avoid doing anything that looks
like a scripted CV or a role call!
Try and find something to put in, that people never
knew about Lynne - something interesting they can take away. You’ll help the conversation to continue long
after the funeral service.
See if you can find a common thread that you can
wrap the eulogy around and keep bringing things back to. For example:
“........they lived for
their family through and through………….they were a pint half full person and not
half empty………………..no matter what they did, they always did with
enthusiasm………………”
You might then find this helpful as your starting
point and your closing point.
Your
eulogy structure – this all depends on the kind of life Lynne has lived.
Use the common thread approach above. Starting with a main header and ending with it, helps to open and close your eulogy.
Start at the top of her life. Find the point in her life that she was most happy in or most successful. Start at the top - fill it in between - and then finish at the top. Finish where you want people to remember her.
A chronological order of things might be suitable, so
you could go from birth to the end of her life if that feels more suitable.
Use stories and anecdotes. When we remember people in life, we tend to
remember them because of how they made us feel and through stories………”Do
you remember when she…..” Find
one or two small anecdotes that bring the eulogy into reality.
Writing to be heard, is very different from writing
to be ‘read’. Keep your sentences short
as it helps you to breath easier. Have
more paragraphs in to differentiate your points. Write as though you would speak it. The grammar can look lazy in this style of
writing, but it’s all about helping you to deliver it!
Put your eulogy into size 16 font and double space
it. If emotion gets the better of you
and your eyes well up, there’s more chance of you being able to carry on rather
than struggle with the text!
And
remember, you’re doing the eulogy because people think you’ve got something
important to say.
So make it one of the
proudest days of your life!
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