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Friday 19 September 2014

Time to come together!

Well I've been blogging on here for over 4 years now and I can't believe how quickly the time flies.

My very first blog was back in February 2010 and it was called 'Emotional fire in the belly stays with frontline staff."   My last blog was written just a month or so ago and the title for that piece of writing was: "What does a Funeral Director and a Celebrant chat about over coffee - non religious funerals of course!"  How different these two blogs are!
 
But as with anything in life - things change and new systems move us on.
 
You'll now find my future blogs all together on my website.  It was time to bring everything under one roof and make it easier for everyone.
 
So if you pop over to www.sinceremoments.co.uk you'll see a brand new page called 'news and views' - you might want to bookmark it so that you can easily find it in the future.

I look forward to seeing you over on my website - do keep in touch!

Thanks

Carole



 

Monday 21 July 2014

What does a Funeral Director and a Celebrant chat about over coffee? Non-religious funerals of course!

Training Providers are churning out new Celebrants into the market place every month!
Every couple of months or so, I’m contacted by a new Celebrant either introducing themselves or asking for some guidance! 

And year on year, my funeral portfolio work almost doubles! 

So this week, I decided to grab a coffee with a local North Staffordshire Funeral Director, to ask him why he thinks our services are growing so fast! 

Andrew Butcher heads up his family owned funeral home - Hopkinson Wootton Lovatt (www.hopkinsonwoottonlovatt.co.uk) which is based in the heart of Newcastle-under-Lyme.  He’s the younger of the two in the picture below! – and he’s got a good handle on the funeral industry and where it’s heading.
Here are his thoughts to the questions I asked him! 

v     You and your family have been in the funeral industry for many years.  Why do you think more and more people are favouring Civil Celebrant led services? 

“Well if you turn the clock back sort of 15 to 20 years ago, there was a very strong, set tradition for a church service.  Whereas now, people tend to go either direct to the crematorium, or to a chapel at a cemetery.  It’s more appropriate in these places, to have a Civil Celebrant,  Humanist or a Funeral Director who’ll conduct the service throughout.

People are favouring it, because it’s more of a personal token to the deceased, rather than a member of the clergy preaching to the congregation.” 

v     When you’re with families, what triggers you to suggest using a Civil Celebrant rather than a member of the clergy? 

“As a Funeral Director, you’d take in all the surroundings of that family, as soon as you walk into their home.  You look to see if they’re committed to any sort of church and then how you’d want to celebrate the life that’s just been lost.  This gives you the vibes for which route you need to take the family down and what help they’ll need, to help them say their last goodbyes to their loved ones.” 

v     What’s the ‘best bit’ of a funeral led by a Civil Celebrant? 

“It’s often the personal touch that’s always added in, or ‘off the cuff’ statements made during the service, which brings laughter or applause.  But as a Funeral Director, we have hundreds of different contacts ranging from Humanists, Civil Celebrants and Clergy.  

You always have to remember – only use someone if you’d be willing to let them conduct a service for your own family.” 

v     What do you look for in the ‘ideal’ Civil Celebrant? 

“Well Carole, as you well know, I will not just accept a ‘knock on the door’ from someone who introduces themselves as a new Civil Celebrant.  I like to do my research on services they’ve done, their mannerisms, and how they conduct themselves.  They don’t just represent themselves, but also our firm. 

At Hopkinsons, we have a very high standard which people have to work to.  We would never lower our standards and they always have to remember, that the Funeral Director is in control of the service.  They need to work as a team in a very successful farewell for each individual family.” 

v     If you look ahead 10 years, do you see any trends or patterns emerging for what people will want from a funeral service? 

“Yes and No! 

The British are very slow on change.  We like tradition.   

You have to remember, Humanists have only been strong for the last 15 years and Civil Celebrants for around 4 or 5 years.  People have started to notice it more.  It’s all about educating families about what they can have and what’s possible. 

I feel that the next 10 years will see an incline to Civil services being held in more public buildings.  But as with most things and trends in life, everything tends to loop round in a big circle!” 

****************************

So there we have it! 

*      *  Civil funeral services are ‘personal’. 

*      *  They’re not about ‘preaching’. 

*      *  And the test for whoever you book for a funeral, is........’ only use someone if you’d be willing to let them conduct a service for your own family.” 

My thanks to Andrew for sharing his time, his insights and his forward thinking in this developing area. 

And if you're interested in how a Civil Celebrant led funeral can really make a difference, then do get in touch: M 07723 346 820 or Email carole@sinceremoments.co.uk

Carole

Saturday 17 May 2014

What makes a great eulogy?

A great eulogy is one that people will walk away from and still be talking about long after the funeral service has ended.     

You don’t have long.  So it’s about pulling out those things that people will remember most.  Think of who will be at the service and write with them in your mind.  As much as this is a eulogy about a person, it’s also about engaging with each and every person in the room and they need to feel connected to it.  

For the use of an example, we will assume you are preparing a eulogy for a lady called Lynne. 

You want people to walk away from her service saying:

”That was just Lynne down to a tee!” 

Your delivery of the eulogy is just as important as what’s said.  Although you will be talking about someone you’re emotionally attached to, so worry less about your performance on this occasion.  People aren’t expecting a great show.  They just want to hear something moving, meaningful, relevant and something they can relate to. 

Some insightful questions to ask yourself 

If you close your eyes and think of Lynne, what do you see her doing, saying or just generally getting up to?  How does she make you feel when you think about her? 

What will you miss most now that she’s no longer with you? 

What were those little things that just got under your skin? - her little foibles that made her who she was? 

If you had three words to sum Lynne up, and only 3 words, what would they be? 

When do you think she was at her happiest in life? 

What were Lynne’s proudest moments? 

How did she deal with challenges in life? 

Some things to look out for! 

People will remember how the eulogy made them feel.  They won’t remember a list of dates, jobs or names.  Avoid doing anything that looks like a scripted CV or a role call! 

Try and find something to put in, that people never knew about Lynne - something interesting they can take away.  You’ll help the conversation to continue long after the funeral service. 

See if you can find a common thread that you can wrap the eulogy around and keep bringing things back to.  For example: 

“........they lived for their family through and through………….they were a pint half full person and not half empty………………..no matter what they did, they always did with enthusiasm………………” 

You might then find this helpful as your starting point and your closing point. 
 
 
Your eulogy structure – this all depends on the kind of life Lynne has lived. 

Use the common thread approach above.  Starting with a main header and ending with it, helps to open and close your eulogy. 

Start at the top of her life.  Find the point in her life that she was most happy in or most successful.  Start at the top - fill it in between - and then finish at the top.  Finish where you want people to remember her.
 
A chronological order of things might be suitable, so you could go from birth to the end of her life if that feels more suitable.

Use stories and anecdotes.  When we remember people in life, we tend to remember them because of how they made us feel and through stories………”Do you remember when she…..”  Find one or two small anecdotes that bring the eulogy into reality.

Writing to be heard, is very different from writing to be ‘read’.  Keep your sentences short as it helps you to breath easier.  Have more paragraphs in to differentiate your points.  Write as though you would speak it.  The grammar can look lazy in this style of writing, but it’s all about helping you to deliver it!

Put your eulogy into size 16 font and double space it.  If emotion gets the better of you and your eyes well up, there’s more chance of you being able to carry on rather than struggle with the text!

And remember, you’re doing the eulogy because people think you’ve got something important to say. 
 
So make it one of the proudest days of your life!

Sunday 30 March 2014

Time is the greatest gift you can give anyone - so give it on Mother's Day!



Cards!..................Emails!....................Texts!.................Flowers!...............Lunches!.............however you choose to spend Mother's Day today - may the day be perfect for you!




It's a day with a focus.  It's a day that celebrates a role.  In a few hours my own Mum will be coming for lunch and she'll walk away smiling having spent time with her daughter, her son-in-law..........and the two mighty Newfoundlands!

The greatest gift you can give anyone is time - because it's the one thing that you give of yourself, that you can't ever get back.

So even when today is over, don't leave it for another year before you celebrate what you and your Mum have.  Because somewhere out there, just around a corner, is a son or daughter who no longer have their Mum with them.

And I bet they'd give anything, to be able to hold and hug her for one last time.


Tuesday 4 February 2014

Death through a lens - Photographers at funerals?

Here's an interesting little blog that really tests our thinking!

We book a photographer for Weddings, for Christenings and for other big celebrations.

But would you book a photographer to be at a funeral for someone you loved.

This blog asks the same questions.
 

Sunday 5 January 2014

Why you won't find me behind a table at a Wedding Fayre!

A question I get asked many times by professionals in the wedding industry, is am I interested in attending various wedding fayres?
 
And my answer.....all the time......every time.......is a polite......... 'No, Thank You'.
 
 
 
 
 
Clients who book my ceremonies, do so on the basis that they've heard about me, or they've experienced one of my ceremonies direct - they've been there as a spectator and have felt the emotion in the room!
 
Sincere Moments has grown through recommendation and referral - in my view, the only way to grow a business successfully and for the long term.  I've never paid for any form of advertising or to pitch up anywhere and display my wares!
 
But the main reason you won't find me behind a table handing out leaflets, is because you can't hand out emotion.  You can't hand out feelings.  And you can't hand out sentiment!
 
Yes you'd meet me and I could tell you all about how I work.............but I want you to experience what I do either first hand, or talk to someone who has.  That's why 95% of my bookings come from people who've either been to one of my ceremonies, or they've been recommended by someone who has.
 
I quite understand why photographers, florists, stationery artists and the like, do attend these fayres.  If I was selling those products then I'd do exactly the same.  But I'm not.  
 
So if you're reading this and wondering how you can get a feel for the kind of ceremonies I design and lead, do get in touch.  I can put you in touch with suppliers and previous clients, all who've seen and heard me perform a ceremony.
 
I wouldn't want you to book me without either meeting me personally for a coffee somewhere, or talking to someone who has used me.  
 
That way, we both know we're right for each other!
 
xCarole 

Wednesday 1 January 2014

Beginnings & Endings!...........Happy New Year.

Let me wish you all a happy New Year!
 
 
However you're feeling today...........be grateful that you're alive to feel it!  
 
And no matter how much we reflect, no matter how many resolutions we make, to start something new we have to let something go in our lives.  There isn't space to do everything!
 
 
 
 
 
I hope your 2014 brings you your own success and happiness. - however you choose to measure that!
 
Happy New Year
 
xCarole